More of the Darwin Awards... - Ford Forums - Mustang Forum, Ford Trucks, Ford Focus and Ford Cars
Ford Probe Forum | Mazda MX6 Forum Forum for discussion of the Ford Probe and Mazda MX6.

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-20-01, 11:54 AM Thread Starter
Probe GT Member
MrEous's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2001
Age: 40
Posts: 62
Read More of the Darwin Awards...

The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

1. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister. (inventive?)

2. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rear end for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward. (wtf was he doing?!?)

3. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles. (and they had a pilot's license?)

4. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch, naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what caused his death. Apparently the man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons). According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him. (sick...)

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own. (I wonder if it needed more food once the ambulance arrived?)

6. A 22-year-old Reston, VA man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground", Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma". (must have failed math class in High School)

7. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt, a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized. (this one has rednecks written all over it)

8. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked (you can see what's coming, can't you?). Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object, which resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers. (makes ya feel safe, doesn't it?)

MrEous is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-20-01, 12:02 PM
Hardcore GL Tuner
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: NEWWWARK, Cali
Age: 35
Posts: 190
:MUha: That was hilarious

White '91 PGL ATX someday i'll convert to MTX, really:)
RActive Heat shielded cone, Pacesetter Header, Random Tech Cat, Dynomax SuperTurbo, Jacobs Ignition, Removed AC System, 17X7 wheels w/ Dayton ZR's...
cybervampyre is offline  
post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-20-01, 12:04 PM
Big Poppa
fiveliter302's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Akron, OH
Posts: 441
Are you sure all these people arent from Ohio?

"Filthy Degenerate"
1997 Ford Probe 2.0, 1993 Ford Probe GT 2.5L(Project), 1991 Ford Explorer XLT 4wd
1992 Probe GL (RIP),
83, 89, 93 Mustangs- (Bye Bye), 1988 Ranger XLT- (Also gone)
fiveliter302 is offline  
post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-20-01, 01:11 PM
Women Like my Probe :)
probe em's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Pothole, MI
Posts: 50
Originally posted by fiveliter302
Are you sure all these people arent from Ohio?
LOL are you saying your a future canidate? :s6:
probe em is offline  
post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-20-01, 01:37 PM
I want a Turbo. GIMMIE!!
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bend, Oregon
Posts: 61
sounds like the daily obituary for South Carolina. :s5

I miss my home state. :(

Stephen Wilds
I *heart* boobs.
supergoat is offline  
post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-20-01, 03:06 PM
Big Daddy
tony95pgt's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Bay Area, Cali
Age: 44
Posts: 357
hahahahaha.. anyone got a light.. that's pretty good. people never seem to amaze me anymore.

95 PGT 5sp
BAPOC Vice President.
Who's your Big Daddy?
Part of the Andy's Autosports BAPOC Design Crew

Evil in training..
FLARE!!! do you know where it is??
tony95pgt is offline  
post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-20-01, 04:33 PM
Big Poppa
fiveliter302's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Akron, OH
Posts: 441
Originally posted by probe em

LOL are you saying your a future canidate? :s6:

No, I think I may be the most intelligent person in this state though.... and thats not saying much

"Filthy Degenerate"
1997 Ford Probe 2.0, 1993 Ford Probe GT 2.5L(Project), 1991 Ford Explorer XLT 4wd
1992 Probe GL (RIP),
83, 89, 93 Mustangs- (Bye Bye), 1988 Ranger XLT- (Also gone)
fiveliter302 is offline  
post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-20-01, 05:07 PM
Multi Car Owner
Marqman's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: SW Ohio
Posts: 930
G Gordon Liddy does these on air from time to time. Recently he did one about two Med students or somethign like that in Europe somewhere. They wanted to get some insurance money so thinking they could get it and since they are med students they would use a chain saw to cut open the one guy, they thought they knew enough not to cut to deep and Die, so they used the chain saw thinking they could make it look like a accident from cutting down a tree, well they cut to deep and the guy bleed to death in his apt.

70 Camaro SS // 87 Mustang GT Conv - 119k
93 Z71 - 264k // 01 P71 - 87k // 05 Dodge Magnum R/T - 122k
Marqman is offline  
post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-20-01, 11:45 PM
Tickford Ruled; FPV Rocks
HP Dude's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: AUS
Posts: 1,457
I love the Darwin Awards. The stupidity of people will never cease to amaze me.
HP Dude is offline  
post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-21-01, 12:37 AM
Merlin's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Small Planet out in Space
Age: 42
Posts: 198
Mr Smithers,can i have a raise?

www.merlin.5u.comMy cheap yet cool web site

You Ever Stop to Think?.....And Forget To Start?
Merlin is offline  
Sponsored Links

  Ford Forums - Mustang Forum, Ford Trucks, Ford Focus and Ford Cars > Ford Cars and PAG Vehicles > Ford Probe Forum | Mazda MX6 Forum

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Aviator, Navigator Win Winter Awards RPO83 General PAG discussions 0 03-04-03 11:04 PM
2002 Darwin Awards: The Day Of Judgement Approaches! KenOath The Pub 3 02-27-03 10:36 PM
Darwin Awards BlueBAXR8 The Pub 3 02-27-03 06:23 PM
Ford Motor Captures Majority Of Autoweek Editors’ Choice Awards RPO83 Ford Worldwide News 0 01-12-03 07:12 AM
Mazda Atenza/ Mazda 6 Wins 23 Awards Around the Globe Stacy94PGT Mazda Forum 0 12-27-02 09:11 AM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome