Mr. ATX Pimp - Mod.
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: the Underground
Rules for Men
Rules for Real Men:
Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten
by his fellow partygoers.
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When your Date is using her teeth
Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
jail within 12 hours.
If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits
forever, unless you actually marry her.
The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is
Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes.
For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she
scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man
(in fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional).
On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
While your girlfriend must bond with your buds' girlfriends within 30
minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal
pals' significant dick-heads--- low level sports bonding is all the law
requires (sorry ladies, it's called a double standard and you drew the short
straw on that one).
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on
a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see nothin'.
Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much beer
as the other sports watchers.
You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a
girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw
it into a ceiling fan. (hahahahahahahah -Adam)
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both. That's just plain mean.
If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his
choice of beer.
Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a buddy of yours, except if
she's withholding sex pending your response...
Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
d. Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?
Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both
urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to
have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary.
The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is
no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big
mistake it was
95 Probe GTa ~ KL-ZE