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Old 04-16-2002, 23:02   #1 (permalink)
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Is that a bandage on your head???

Apparently a true story...
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it."
"You know where the button is." I protested through the shower
(pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"
"I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between
my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while
rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in
this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter.At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the matter, cat
got your tongue?"
If they had only known.
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Old 04-16-2002, 23:19   #2 (permalink)
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Owwwwcccchhhhhhh!!
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'So that was nice.

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Old 04-16-2002, 23:23   #3 (permalink)
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Ouch - had similar - looking atfer friends cats and one decided sneaking in and sleeping in my bed was the go, until it took a swing at some dangling objects one night - I seriously considered that it sleep with the fishes from then on but owner was a girlfriend so would have ruled out other activities.
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Old 04-16-2002, 23:38   #4 (permalink)
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Oh My god this is a family forum, never thought i would get a mental picture like that reading Fordforums
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Old 04-17-2002, 00:51   #5 (permalink)
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I want to get the video and clean up big prize on Funny Home Videos.
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Old 04-17-2002, 03:50   #6 (permalink)
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I know quite a few of the ACT Paramedics as i used to work down that way..............Im emailing them now to get there side of the story!!........Im sure they will be telling that one a few times over!
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