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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 06-18-02, 04:17 AM Thread Starter
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Blind Pilots

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane. starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!

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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 06-18-02, 08:17 PM
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Paddy and Murphy are flying the 10.30 Aer Lingus flight from Heathrow to Dublin.
As they come in over the East Coast of Ireland ... the following conversation ensues...
"Sheeeezzz" said Paddy "Will ye look at how short dat runway is".
"You're not kiddin', Paddy" replied Murphy.
"Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy.
"You're not kiddin', Paddy" replied Murphy.
"Right Murphy. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Murphy.
"And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Murphy.
"And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Murphy.
"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy
"I be doing dat already" replied Murphy.
So they approached the runway with Paddy and Murphy full of nerves and sweaty
palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Murphy put the engines in reverse, put
the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul.
Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a
halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the
relief of Paddy and Murphy and everyone on board.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front
window and said to Murphy "Dat has gotta be de shortest bloomin' runway I have
EVER seen in me whole life".
Murphy looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how flippin'
wide it is".
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