I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Jesus is coming - everyone look busy.
Born free... taxed to death.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I'm not a complete idiot: some parts are missing.
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an idiot.
I'm just driving this way to make you mad.
Jesus paid for our sins... now lets get our money's worth.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Keep honking. I'm reloading.
Prevent inbreeding: ban Country & Western music.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming hysterically like the passengers in his bus.
Lord save me from your followers.
God must love stupid people. He made so many.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Two things always get me down: rainy days and automatic weapons.
I took an I.Q. test and the results were negative.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't.
Ever stop to think..... and forget to start again?
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.