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Old 01-23-2002, 19:00   #1 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Rocklyn
Posts: 7,750
computer jokes

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and
the blinking red light.

The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!'.

At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find
at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the
computer.

Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is
Latin for "still doesn't work."

Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what
they want."

Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.

Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Hit any user to continue.

I wish life had an UNDO function.

If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be
resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit in the drive.

Microsoft Windows: computing While U Wait

665.9238429876 - Number of the Pentium Beast

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than
eating soup with a knife.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.

"To know recursion, you must first know recursion"

Life's unfair - but root password helps!

Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal
of the day.

Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build
bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce
bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Intel: We put the "um..." in Pentium.

Helpdesk tip #2: When the support analyst says "Click...", wait for the rest
of the sentence.

BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

A good programmer makes all the right mistakes.

Managing programmers is like herding cats.

"There is an old saying that if a million monkeys typed on a million
keyboards for a million years, eventually all the works of Shakespeare would
be produced. Now, thanks to Usenet, we know this is not true."

"A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way
street."

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when
you do, it blows away your whole leg.

A computer scientist is someone who, when told to "Go to Hell," sees the "go
to," rather than the destination, as harmful.

1010011010 - The binary number of the Beast

APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key. Application has reported a "Not
My Fault" in module KRNL.EXE in line 0200:103F

"The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a
soldering iron, a hardware type with a software patch and a user with an
idea."
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Old 01-25-2002, 01:15   #2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Perth W.A.
Age: 67
Posts: 963
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Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!

The one about swapping the keys around absolutely floored me.
ROFLMAO. hehehehe.
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