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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-21-02, 05:00 PM Thread Starter
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Posts: 128
A couple of jokes

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both his ears.
Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and
went on his way. One day he decided to invest his money in a small but growing telecom business. And,
after eight weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted
line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire
someone who could do that for him. The next day he had set up 3 interviews. The first guy was great.
He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Steve asked
him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The gentleman answered, "Why yes, I couldn't help but
notice you have no ears." Steve got very angry and threw him out. The second interview was with a woman,
and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question "Do you notice anything
different about me?" She replied, "Well you have no ears." Steve again was upset and tossed her out. The
third and last interview was the best of the three. It was a very young man fresh out of college. He
was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together.
Steve was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question, "Do you notice anything
different about me?" And to his surprise, the young man answered, "Yes -- you wear contact lenses."
Steve was shocked and said, "What an incredibly observant young man. How did you know that?" The young
man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, " Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with
no f@#king ears!"

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable
words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Little Johnny waves his
hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!' Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your
multi-syllable word?' Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says,
'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.' Little Johnny says,
'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow-job".

One day, Pauline Hanson is being chauffeured to a One Nation rally in the Queensland outback,
when her driver swerves to avoid a pot hole and hits a cow on the side of the road, killing it
instantly. When they arrive at their destination, Pauline suggests to the driver that he should
go back to the farm house and apologise for the accident and offer to pay for the damages. Three
hours later, the driver returns, with all his clothes torn, holding a bottle of wine in one hand,
a Cuban cigar in the other, and swaying left to right as he walked. Pauline asks the driver
"Please explain?" "Well, the farmer gave me this bottle, his wife gave me this cigar, and his
beautiful 19 year old daughter made passionate love to me!" "Bloody hell - what did you tell them?"
"I said, Hi, I'm Pauline Hanson's driver and I just killed the cow!"

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-21-02, 09:45 PM
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killin' meself stretch ... ROFLMAO

Little Johnny goes to school and the teacher says, "Class, today we are going to learn how to put those multi-syllable words into sentences. Now can anyone give me a word and show how to use it in a sentence?"

Little Johnny jumps up straight away, "Me Miss, Me".

The teacher being a little hesitant asked if anyone else had word but it seems no-one did so she saod "Allright Johnny, what is your word?"

"Ure - n - ate" says Little Johnny.

"And how would you use that in a sentence", asks the teacher.

"Miss, urenate, but my Dad says you'd be a ten if you had bigger tits"
post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-22-02, 04:44 AM
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Brilliant! great stuff guys.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-22-02, 08:04 PM
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Posts: 10,144
Keep the jokes clean please. We have a donating members forum for jokes like these.
If you have any questions re: jokes then PM me, DK, russ or laminge.

Chucky's saying of the month- Finish your beer! There are sober kiddies in Ethiopia.."
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