HSE2

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.


ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company,using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you
get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights
of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to
all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the
company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a
new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance
sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.


A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.


A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow
cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-wide.


A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once
a month, and milk themselves.


A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.


AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.


A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you
have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.


A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them.


A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported
the numbers.


AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice
cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to
Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?


A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

Ford Fanatic

Same kind of thing.....


SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The State takes one and gives it to someone else.

COMMUNISM
You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you the milk.

FACISM
You have two cows. The State takes both and sells you the milk.

NAZISM
You have two cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. The State takes both, kills one and tips the milk into the sewerage system.

CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SINGAPORE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment, then sends you off to a small island when you complain. The Strait Times makes no comment.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for them. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate”.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. You feed them sheep’s brains and they go mad. The goverment does nothing.

RUSSIAN DEMOCRACY
You are still queuing for the first cow.

IRAQI DEMOCRACY
You may not inspect either cow.

MALAYSIAN DEMOCRACY
The cows are now controlled from grazing and you are jailed for being unfit to rear cows.

JAPANESE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. You give the milk to gangsters so they don’t ask awkward questions about who you are giving the milk to.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option to purchase one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.