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Old 11-11-2002, 21:38   #1 (permalink)
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Cricket Humour

Ok...*ahem*

What do you call a English cricketers name with 100 next to it?
A bowler.

What do call a English hattrick?
3 runs in 3 balls.

Why don't you innoculate English cricketers?
Cause they can't catch anything.

Ok, sorry to the English fans, had to do it... :D
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Old 11-11-2002, 21:48   #2 (permalink)
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... and what's the definition of ambition ....

An English batsman putting on sun screen.
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Old 11-11-2002, 21:49   #3 (permalink)
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it is good to see England sent out their Under 14 squad to contest the ashes this year.
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Old 11-11-2002, 21:59   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by russellw
... and what's the definition of ambition ....

An English batsman putting on sun screen.
ROFLMAO!
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Old 11-11-2002, 22:34   #5 (permalink)
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I heard they were adding Prince Charles to the squad - not because he can play, but apparently Camilla Parker Bowles.


(yes I know it's bad, sue me)
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Old 11-12-2002, 00:00   #6 (permalink)
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haha, i got a good one...

Tony Greig reckons Marcus Trescothick and Michael Vaughan are the best openers in the world, at the moment..


...*smirk*....hahahahahahahha, is he for real?
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Old 11-12-2002, 00:06   #7 (permalink)
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LOL, yeah the poms are shocking. Shouldn't this topic be in the Assylum?
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Old 11-12-2002, 01:46   #8 (permalink)
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Go the Kiwi's!


(I need mental help...)
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Old 11-12-2002, 01:59   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by priteshpatel99
Go the Kiwi's!


(I need mental help...)
Not really - the Kiwis are actually one of the few teams who have actually forced a test to 5 days against Australia.

We still lost but we didn't get our arses kicked
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Old 11-12-2002, 15:47   #10 (permalink)
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ANNOUNCEMENT From the ICC:

The Ashes 2002/2003 - last minute rule amendments

Following the crushing defeat of Pakistan and the less than promising start
made by England in the First Test in Brisbane, the International Cricket
Council (ICC) has imposed a new set of rules for the remainder of the
current Ashes series. The aim is to make the contest more even.

These are:

1) England has been granted an automatic wickie.
This frees up wicket keeper Alex Stewart to defend the boundary. Under the
rule, Australian batsmen will be deemed out "caught behind" if the ball
nicks their bat and lands in the immediate area behind the wicket. The rule
is a compromise from the original English proposal which had pushed for
automatic slips as well. The ICC refused that request on the grounds that
"someone has to go and get the ball when an Australian misses it."

2) In addition, Australia is under strict "tip and run" restrictions which
require they take a run off every ball they hit. Steve Waugh was happy to
accept this, as it meant no change to his current game plan. As a
compromise, it was agreed that the Australians will also have to shout out
the word "wickets" when completing a run to make run out decisions by
umpires easier.

3) Following his outstanding performances, Australian wicketkeeper Adam
Gilchrist has "six and out" restrictions imposed on him. As well, following
complaints from English fielders, Gilchrist will have to get the ball if it
goes across the road.

4) Instead of using a bat, Matt Hayden will now be obliged to use his arm
with his jumper wrapped around it.

5) New rules for England include "one hand, one bounce" while they are
fielding, and the provision of "last man carries" when they are batting.

6) The English tried to extend the "can't get out first ball" provision to
"can't get out first ten overs". But the ICC proclaimed that the extra runs
gained would hardly be worth the effort. Australian captain Steve Waugh has
vigorously opposed the "last man carries" rule and has launched an appeal.
Waugh says Australia will only agree to the rule if there are electric
wickets at the end, allowing Aussie fielders to throw to the stumps at
either end.

7) A spokesperson for the ICC also announced that following six successive
ducks "from now on Craig White can't get out for a duck".

8) English pace bowler Andy Caddick will also be allowed to wrap the ball's
seam with electrical tape when he's bowling in the second innings.

9) The spokesperson added there will be "no LB" for English batsmen unless
"it is really, really obvious."

10) Shane Warne has reluctantly conceded that its "fair enough" that he has
to bowl underarm (but not molly grubbers) to the English tail end.

11) If England decides that Steven Harmison is to be given an over, the
umpire will deem the Australian batsmen as dismissed if Harmison lands the
ball anywhere on the pitch. Captain Steve Waugh has no problems with this
change, as the probability of such a dismissal occurring is infinitesimally
small.


Despite the changes, Australia remains firm favourites going into the Ashes
Series, paying $0.12, while an English win is currently paying $1.3
trillion.
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