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Old 06-21-2003, 20:13   #1 (permalink)
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Darwin Awards

Darwin Awards
SIZZLING SCAFFOLDING -- Unconfirmed Darwin Award Nominee

1982, Texas | At the Amarillo Fairgrounds, some buildings were
in need of a coat of paint, so local contractors were hired to
do the job.

Between the buildings was an angled alley with a culvert in the
middle, designed to drain rainwater away from the buildings.
Because of the slope, the wheeled painter scaffolding tended to
roll downhill, so the painters removed the wheels on the scaffolding.
They were in the process of moving the scaffolding next to a building,
when the metal structure met a transformer. The painters were killed.

The story made the headlines. The town was abuzz with talk of the
tragedy, how it had come to pass, and whether the city was liable
for damages. The city officials decided they needed to conduct an
investigation.

With much fanfare, they arrived at the scene of the incident,
prepared to personally recreate the circumstances. Two officials
grabbed the scaffolding in the exact same location as the two
painters, began to move the scaffolding... and were promptly
electrocuted.

Reference: Amarillo Daily News


--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+


AUTO BLOTTO -- Unconfirmed Darwin Award Nominee

September 1990, Australia | Men seem to have an affinity for large
trucks. What else can explain the actions of a 34-year-old thief
who decided to take possession of the engine of an old Bedford
tip-truck?

The truck was parked outside a glass recycling company in Alexandria.
It generally takes three men to lift an engine block of this size,
but our enterprising pilferer decided that the best way to remove
the engine was from below, rather than the conventional out-the-top-
with-a-crane technique.

He crawled under the cab and began to loosen the bolts.

Suddenly the engine block broke loose and landed on his face,
killing him instantly. Police ascertained that he had at least one
accomplice, judging by the pool of vomit found under a nearby bush.

An employee discovered his body early the next morning. The manager
said that the truck was about to be scrapped. "If he had come and
asked me for it, I would have given it to him."

Reference: Australian Police Journal, Vol. 53, No. 2 June 1999


--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+


THE LAST LAUGH -- Confirmed Honorable Mention

January 2003, Virginia | Paul Powell is not yet out of the gene
pool but he will be soon, thanks to his own efforts to enable
prosecutors to prove a capital murder charge against him. He had
been tried and convicted of the murder of a 16-year-old girl, but
his conviction was overturned by the State Appellate Court based
on a lack of evidence that he had robbed or raped the woman.

However, due process was not yet done with Powell.

Thinking himself immune to further consequences, Powell wrote a
gloating confession and sent it to the prosecutor's office. "Since
the Virginia Supreme Court said that I can't be charged with capital
murder again, I figured I would tell you the rest of what happened
on January 29, 1999, to show you how stupid y'all are." He went on
to explain in graphic detail exactly what had happened on the night
he murdered the girl.

But Powell did not have the last laugh.

He overlooked a catch. The Court had only ruled that there was not
enough evidence for the capital murder conviction, leaving open the
possibility of a retrial for lesser charges, or for capital murder
should new information surface. The second time around, Powell's
boastful letter gave the prosecutors precisely the evidence they needed.

Powell's lawyer "portrayed his client as a bright young man."
Bright as a burned-out light bulb! Powell was convicted of capital
murder on January 15, 2003.
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Old 06-21-2003, 21:31   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Darwin Awards

More - I had these in a dual post about Queenslanders - although the only people interested probably were queenslanders.

2001 Darwin Awards (I know many have been posted before, but these seem unfamiliar)

They are finally out again. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top f him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

And the 2001 nominees are:

9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place.

The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR, She noticed burn marks around his genitals.

After the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions.

Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons). According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.

Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma".

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.

Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away.

Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.


this will send shivers down any man's spine. Guaranteed. Or your golfball back - baddaching!

The last nominee for this year's Darwin Award (awarded to people for incredible feats of mental lapses whose demise aids in improving the gene pool) goes to...

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his foursome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine.

Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.

Unfortunately for Sanchez, The height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.

Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between thehousing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside.

To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

Now, obviously, this last nominee did not expire; however, since
he is forever sterilized, the nominating committee believed he warranted an opportunity in this year's competition.

Last edited by dave_au; 06-21-2003 at 21:34.
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Old 06-21-2003, 22:44   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Darwin Awards

Quote:
Originally Posted by dave_au
this will send shivers down any man's spine. Guaranteed. Or your golfball back - baddaching!

The last nominee for this year's Darwin Award (awarded to people for incredible feats of mental lapses whose demise aids in improving the gene pool) goes to...

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his foursome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine.

Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.

Unfortunately for Sanchez, The height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.

Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between thehousing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside.

To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

Now, obviously, this last nominee did not expire; however, since
he is forever sterilized, the nominating committee believed he warranted an opportunity in this year's competition.

What a dipshit
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Old 06-22-2003, 03:05   #4 (permalink)
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ROTFLMAO! Thanks for posting these!
:s6:
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