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Old 12-05-2004, 18:09   #1 (permalink)
Green's Tuff!
 
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Wonthaggi, Victoria
Age: 41
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Dear God - From the Dog

GOD - FROM THE DOG:

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
one
another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it
still
the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for
a
dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice
ride!
Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler
Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him,
is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy
fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember
- to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw
it
up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like
the way they smell.

3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although
they are
tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.. neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's
license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying
"hello".

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the
coffee
table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house
- not
after.

13. I will not throw up in the car. EVER.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch
when
we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that
noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, My last question . . .

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
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Old 12-05-2004, 18:11   #2 (permalink)
Green's Tuff!
 
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Location: Wonthaggi, Victoria
Age: 41
Posts: 802
Re: Dear God - From the Dog


If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too
busy to give you any time.
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than an poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no
prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics,
THEN, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.



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