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Old 06-17-2002, 16:51   #1 (permalink)
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Drive Thru Banking

Your Bank is very pleased to announce the installation of New
"Drive-through" cash point machines.

To enable customers to make full use of these new facilities, we have conducted intensive behavioral studies to come up with appropriate procedures for their use. Please read the procedures that apply to you (i.e. MALE or FEMALE), and remember them for when you use our new machines for the first time.

PROCEDURES FOR MALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window.
3. Insert the card into the machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.

PROCEDURES FOR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Reverse the required distance to align car window with cash machine.
3. Re-start the stalled engine.
4. Wind down the window.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6. Turn the radio down.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. Re-insert the card right way up.
11. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
12. Enter PIN.
13. Press "Cancel" and re-enter correct PIN.
14. Enter amount of cash required.
15. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
16. Retrieve cash and receipt.
17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
18. Place receipt in back of cheque book.
19. Re-check make-up.
20. Drive forward 2 metres.
21. Reverse back to cash machine.
22. Retrieve card.
23. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Drive for 2 to 3 kilometres.
26. Release handbrake.
__________________
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'So that was nice.

____o00o_=^..^=_o00o____
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Old 06-18-2002, 20:22   #2 (permalink)
Cobra188
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My wife luvs it!!!

At the 1997 World Women's Conference the first speaker from England stood up:
"At last year’s conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands.
Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer
cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing.
After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a
wonderful roast lamb."
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America stood up: "After last year’s conference I went home
and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to
do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing.
But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my
washing as well."
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Australia stood up: "After last year’s conference I went home
and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to
do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing.
But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."
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Old 06-19-2002, 08:23   #3 (permalink)
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Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: in a ditch
Posts: 1,258
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classic:s5 :s5 :s5 :s5

that is so politically incorrect that it kills me. well you know what they say...

treat em mean, keep em keen

must go...mrs rsgerry is telling me to do something....:bhrmmm:
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