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Old 01-23-2003, 15:20   #1 (permalink)
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biggrin Embarrassing moments

A radio station in the Australia recently ran a phone-in competition to find the most embarrassing moments in listeners lives. The following are the final four place getters:

4th place

"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy & started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust & annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye & said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!".

The silence was deafening, after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity& walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter."

3rd place

"It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone
ringing downstairs.

I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled "surprise". My entire family, ... aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned
a surprise party again."

2nd place

"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the public address system and boomed out for all the store to hear. "PRICE CHECK ON LANE 13. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE."

That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks". In a very business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the public address system: DO YOU
WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND
YOU BELT IN WITH A HAMMER?"

AND THE WINNER IS!

This one happened at a major Australian University in October last year.In a biology lecture, a professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female freshie, raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add some statistical data.

Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books, and without a word walked out of the class, and never returned. However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!"
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Old 01-23-2003, 18:49   #2 (permalink)
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Ahh Ken you've done it again. Very good
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Old 01-23-2003, 19:13   #3 (permalink)
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Very good Ken, had a good laugh while trying to work..........
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Old 01-23-2003, 21:46   #4 (permalink)
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its good that. got it in a email a few weeks ago. the supermarket story has not failed me yet!
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Old 01-24-2003, 01:15   #5 (permalink)
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Classic Ken Oath ........ Classic
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Old 01-24-2003, 03:33   #6 (permalink)
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Old 01-24-2003, 03:43   #7 (permalink)
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Here's one that you may have seen. It cracks me up.



Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at a U.S. University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:


Rebecca and Gary.

-----------------------------------------------------------
STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

-----------------------------------------------------------
(Second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things round her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

---------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.

----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Asshole.

----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Bitch.

----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Wanker.

----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
****.

**********************************************
(teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.
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Old 01-24-2003, 06:05   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by cs123
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A+ - I really liked this one.
love it!
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Old 01-24-2003, 22:24   #9 (permalink)
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damn cs123 i still cant stop laughing!!!! that is absolutely BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!

Ken Oath, that has to be 4 of the most embarassing situations a person could possibly be in, unbelievable!!!
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Old 01-25-2003, 04:09   #10 (permalink)
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damn cs123 i still cant stop laughing!!!! that is absolutely BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!
It's hard not to piss yourself when you read it.
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