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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-24-03, 09:21 PM Thread Starter
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biggrin Explains Qantas' Crash Free Record

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
-----------
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
---------------
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
------------------
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
-------------------
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
ascent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
-------------------
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
----------------------
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
-------------------
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
-----------------
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
-----------------
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
------------------
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
-----------------
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
------------------
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
-------------------
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
-----------------
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S:Took hammer away from
midget


ahhh now thats GOLD ^_^

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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-24-03, 09:28 PM
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Re: Explains Qantas' Crash Free Record

Lol

I did put something here, but it vanshied, I think

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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-24-03, 09:35 PM
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Re: Explains Qantas' Crash Free Record

Hahaha, excellent!!

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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-24-03, 10:02 PM
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Re: Explains Qantas' Crash Free Record

Old, but still funny...can't remember seeing the midget one before.

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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-25-03, 12:15 AM
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Re: Explains Qantas' Crash Free Record

Hahahaa what a ripper. Thanks for that ! Love the midget one !
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-25-03, 03:40 AM
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Re: Explains Qantas' Crash Free Record

RMFAO... thats fvckin funny... im cracking up~!
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-25-03, 03:49 AM
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Re: Explains Qantas' Crash Free Record

bahahaha !!

Do not read this
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-25-03, 04:07 AM
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Re: Explains Qantas' Crash Free Record

LMFAO!

Oh man I have tears running down my face!!!
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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-25-03, 02:17 PM
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Re: Explains Qantas' Crash Free Record

Go the midget!!!!!

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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-25-03, 03:27 PM
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Re: Explains Qantas' Crash Free Record

Gee, I think this has been posted 100,543,267 times??????

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