FEMALE version of the Guinness Book of Records
Amazingly, due to pressure from feminists, Guinness have been forced to
publish a FEMALE version of the Guinness Book of Records. Here are a few
excerpts from the British edition:
CAR PARKING
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one
of 19.36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by
Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing' on
12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate,
Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8
hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and guards
of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lamp
posts.
FILM CONFUSION
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband
without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th of
October 1990, when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch
'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2 mins 40
secs before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, him in the glasses?", This
broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins 38 secs of
'633 Squadron' before asking "Is this a war film, is it?".
INCORRECT DRIVING
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313
miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of
a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into
her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from
the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest
completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator
flashing.
JUMBLE SALE MASSACRE
The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble
sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on
February 12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble
to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first
table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing
10pence that escalated into a full scale melee resulting in another 18
lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and
quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women.
, remember the nice little angels above...
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