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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-28-04, 01:30 AM Thread Starter
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Female version of the Guinness Book of Records

FEMALE version of the Guinness Book of Records

Amazingly, due to pressure from feminists, Guinness have been forced to
publish a FEMALE version of the Guinness Book of Records. Here are a few
excerpts from the British edition:

CAR PARKING
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one
of 19.36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by
Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing' on
12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate,
Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8
hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and guards
of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lamp
posts.

FILM CONFUSION

The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband
without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th of
October 1990, when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch
'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2 mins 40
secs before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, him in the glasses?", This
broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins 38 secs of
'633 Squadron' before asking "Is this a war film, is it?".

INCORRECT DRIVING

The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313
miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of
a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into
her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from
the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest
completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator
flashing.

JUMBLE SALE MASSACRE

The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble
sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on
February 12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble
to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first
table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing
10pence that escalated into a full scale melee resulting in another 18
lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and
quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women.



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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-28-04, 01:34 AM
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Re: Female version of the Guinness Book of Records

/me passes new and improved flame suit to Genebaby and stands back to watch the fun!


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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-28-04, 01:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Female version of the Guinness Book of Records

Ladies, just like a ricer perhaps, you should take it with a grain of salt!!



So before you go , remember the nice little angels above...


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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-28-04, 01:40 AM
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Re: Female version of the Guinness Book of Records

haha good one

hmmm wheres my flame suit

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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-28-04, 01:46 AM
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Re: Female version of the Guinness Book of Records

Haha, politically incorrect but still pretty funny hehehe.

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Just another Eseries...
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-28-04, 01:58 AM
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Re: Female version of the Guinness Book of Records

hahahaha loved it!

Mum didn't though haha
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-28-04, 02:28 AM
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Re: Female version of the Guinness Book of Records

LOL that is fantastic.

BACK II BACK


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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-28-04, 03:42 AM
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Re: Female version of the Guinness Book of Records

I thought it would look something more like this:



Pass the flame suit over here please!

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Teh funnay is now linked here!
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-28-04, 04:06 AM
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Re: Female version of the Guinness Book of Records

Glad I'm not like any of those women....

now excuse me...I have to drive with the handbrake on to a jumble sale, which is on in the morning, it'll take me that long to reverse park

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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-28-04, 04:29 AM
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Re: Female version of the Guinness Book of Records

504km with handbrake on

some nice ones there
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