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Old 10-10-2003, 20:31   #1 (permalink)
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A few short funny ones

1. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."

3. A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
serve food in here."

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get
married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

7. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't
believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

8. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes,
I'm positive."

9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

10. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the
vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm
going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

12. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks
that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No,
the steaks are too high."

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? ---A fsh.



:D
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Old 10-10-2003, 22:24   #2 (permalink)
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Re: A few short funny ones

Hehehe :)
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Old 10-11-2003, 02:45   #3 (permalink)
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Re: A few short funny ones

You don't get out much do you ?


Sometimes it is the silly jokes that get the best reaction.

Gave me a laugh.

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Old 10-11-2003, 02:57   #4 (permalink)
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Re: A few short funny ones

gave me a laugh :)
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Old 10-11-2003, 04:40   #5 (permalink)
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Re: A few short funny ones

Some are pretty lame but a laugh none the less.
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Old 10-11-2003, 22:33   #6 (permalink)
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Re: A few short funny ones

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "what with the long face"

hehe not bad, but these kinda jokes are so dumb they are funny
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Old 10-12-2003, 18:33   #7 (permalink)
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Re: A few short funny ones

hmmmm Night_Lurker where are you?

hehe

They are actually pretty funny, a lot of them I haven't heard before.
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Old 10-12-2003, 21:17   #8 (permalink)
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Re: A few short funny ones

a pair of underpants walks into a bar. bartender says 'why do you have to be so brief?'
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Old 10-12-2003, 23:03   #9 (permalink)
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Re: A few short funny ones

Awesome jokes

"2 guys walk into a bar - you would of thought 1 of them saw it."
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Old 10-13-2003, 01:10   #10 (permalink)
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Re: A few short funny ones

What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did he cross back?
So he could charge the client for travel expenses.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?
How many did it take last year?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?
They can wear casual clothes to work
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the terrorist who hijacked a plane full of accountants threaten to do if his demands weren't met?
Release one every hour.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who was the first accountant?
Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.


Ive got about 40 more, just bashing my field of work

Last edited by dave_au; 10-13-2003 at 01:13.
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