Good for a laugh !
Rodney Dangerfields best comic quotes:
1. I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing toplay with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over. Nobody'shome". I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just theother night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging naked.Isaid to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because youcame home early."
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning...put a shirt on and a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm
afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox; the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast-fed me. She toldme that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid thatcame with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said tomy father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulledthrough."
11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece ofmy finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help mefind my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" Hesaid, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking howbig I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. I said, "Doctor, every morning when I getup and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong withme?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleepingpills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.