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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-18-02, 02:00 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Jan 2002
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Heres some Blonde jokes

2 blondes walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it. "That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Trace" "Yeah what's it called?" "Viens a moi" "Viens a moi, what the fack does that mean?" At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me'" Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again saying..... "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?"

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 10 o'clock news together. The current news was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The situation cut to a commercial.
Brunette: "I'll bet you $20 he's going to jump."
Blonde: "Okay."
(then back to the newscast.)
He jumps.
Blonde: "Okay, here's my $20."
Brunette: "No, that was too easy, I can't take your money."
Blonde: "I insist. I lost!"
Brunette: "I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6 o'clock news and knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a fair bet."
Blonde: "I saw the exact same newscast, but I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump twice!"

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our blonde friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.

A blond is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas so she stops at the gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself. She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how the blond is faring. The blond outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around, while the blond inside of the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!!"

Two blondes were working on a house. One, who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!" The second blonde got completely pissed off and yelled, "You MORON!!! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!!"

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain, and the top is down."

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms.

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun and, the next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut're next!"

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-18-02, 07:40 PM
must stay under 0.25 ppd.
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Adelaide SA
Posts: 228
Fantastic... my GF is blonde and will hear them all tonite!

Well done SA pollies (for once). Hoon laws are long overdue to protect car enthusiasts against idiot drivers.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-20-02, 07:15 AM
351 - What a magic number
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Central Queensland Coast
Age: 47
Posts: 772

What do you call 3 blondes standing in a row??
A wind tunnel.

What do you call a blonde with dyed hair?
Artificial intelligence.

What do you call a blonde?
A redhead with the fire fscked out of her.

How does a blonde turn off the bedroom light?
Shut the car door.

How do you keep a blonde out of the lounge room?
Shorten the chain from the kitchen.

hehehehe.. (Just jokes... ok!!!)
Ed :)

Original XD 351 Ute - I got one!!

HSV - I just don't want one....EVER!

My XF 3 on the tree ute is ALWAYS stuck in third......
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