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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-14-02, 06:08 PM Thread Starter
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I just want to be held - funny

I never have quite figured out why the sexual
urges of men & women differ so much. I never
have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing.
And I never have figured out why men think with
their head and women with their heart. Also, I
never have figured out how sexual desire gets
thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the
words, "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were
getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat
up, and she then says, "I don't feel like it, I just
want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT?!"

So she says the words that I and every other
husband on the planet dreads. She explains that
I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as
a Woman.

I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I
finally realized that nothing is going to happen
that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day we went shopping at a big,
unnamed department store...

I walked around while she tried on three very
expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

She then tells me that she wants matching
shoes worth $200 each to which I say, "OK." And
then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a
set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was
so excited! She must have thought that I was one
wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she
cared. I think she was testing me when she asked
for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her
that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of
this and you should have seen her face when she
said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,
"No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."

You should have seen her face ... it went
completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just
want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Just when
she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, "You must not be in tune with my financial
needs as a Man."

I figure that I might be having sex again
sometime during the Spring thaw of 2003.
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-14-02, 06:16 PM
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Re: I just want to be held - funny

Quote:
Originally posted by EA S



I figure that I might be having sex again
sometime during the Spring thaw of 2003.

How true it is. hehehe

Just think : Only a year to go, all that spare time to work on your car
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-14-02, 06:19 PM
 
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hehe

that's why you need to marry a nympho. all your problems would be solved then! you'd get all the sex you need, and she'd be too busy to do any shopping! hehe

<p align="center"> *** just because it sells it doesn't mean it's good *** </p>
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-14-02, 06:25 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by adviliax mortus
hehe

that's why you need to marry a nympho. all your problems would be solved then! you'd get all the sex you need, and she'd be too busy to do any shopping! hehe
I don't believe they exist.

I did get excited once when I saw a sign "Nymphs for sale", but turned out they're a bait for trout.

I believe trouts exist. I'm married to an old one.
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-14-02, 06:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Re: I just want to be held - funny

Quote:
Originally posted by dragonV8



How true it is. hehehe

Just think : Only a year to go, all that spare time to work on your car
I wish.

Anyone want to come around and help me demolish a 10 metre by 6 metre elevated timber deck and replace it with a covered one? That should bugger most of the rest of this year, in between renovating the bathroom at the beach shack and finishing the 1,001 other jobs I've got on the go or have to do, taking the kids to sport etc etc. I might see if I can convert this job into a 24 hour one. It's easier than being home.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-14-02, 06:34 PM
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Re: I just want to be held - funny

Quote:
Originally posted by EA S

I figure that I might be having sex again
sometime during the Spring thaw of 2003.
If you're lucky....:oo1:

Quote:
Originally posted by EA S
Anyone want to come around and help me demolish a 10 metre by 6 metre elevated timber deck and replace it with a covered one? That should bugger most of the rest of this year, in between renovating the bathroom at the beach shack and finishing the 1,001 other jobs I've got on the go or have to do, taking the kids to sport etc etc. I might see if I can convert this job into a 24 hour one. It's easier than being home.
Just get Jamie Dreary and friends to come around and sort it out for you!

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'So that was nice.

____o00o_=^..^=_o00o____
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-14-02, 08:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by EA S


I don't believe they exist.

I did get excited once when I saw a sign "Nymphs for sale", but turned out they're a bait for trout.

I believe trouts exist. I'm married to an old one.

LMAO

Hopefully your "trout" doesn't check up on your FF posts when your not looking

Run Forrest , Run.......
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-14-02, 08:05 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jesmol



LMAO

Hopefully your "trout" doesn't check up on your FF posts when your not looking
Do you think I'm mad? I don't want to die yet.
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-14-02, 08:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Re: I just want to be held - funny

Quote:
Originally posted by Falchoon


Just get Jamie Dreary and friends to come around and sort it out for you!
If my wife really loved me, she'd have organised that by now, wouldn't she? I'm prepared to cry for the camera and everything if they want to turn the bomb site I live in into a thing of beauty at no cost to me. Do you reckon Suzy Wilkes would come round to help me?
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-14-02, 08:36 PM
 
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EA

are you really afraid of your wife or are you being silly?

<p align="center"> *** just because it sells it doesn't mean it's good *** </p>
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