Pulled from another forum. The opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect my opinion, nor can I in my right mind condone this person's actions. Just like FoxNews, I report, you decide.
Gangsta's *LONG* Part1 of 2 part series. hah
O.K. I may get called out for B.S on this one, yet it's a funny/scary story and maybe someone can relate. Its a 2 part series (too long) & 100% true. (btw- I'm not racist)
A popular late night weekend hangout in Houston is a road called Westheimer, a long 3 lane rd with red lights every 1/4 -1/2 mile.
I had just gotten off of work and was anxious to possibly catch a few races. It was 11 at night and the ricers were in full bloom, mean domestic machines were prowling, and the exotics were strutting. Awesome night! I was in my black, dented 91 Eagle Talon AWD beater car. A pretty nifty sleeper to the naked eye. Mods included an 18G pushing 14 pounds of boost, upgraded intercooler pipes, removed balance shaft bottom end and a 2g exhaust manifold. Not a bad setup for a beater I'm taking ricers left and right, notta one came even 2 car lengths close to taking me and the beater only pulls about 95mph traps on the above setup. A few hours later things died down as the cops were in full force pulling over victims of lead-foot. 'Time to head home'.
I'm 3 lights away from the main highway and I'm needing to get over into the far right lane seeing as how I need to prepare to enter onto the highways feeder road a mile ahead. I flip on the right hand blinker, check my mirrors and calmy begin to scoot into the middle lane. As I'm doing so, huge head lights come storming up from behind trying to prevent me from getting over. "Whats his problem" I'm thinking as I continue my way into the lane and slow down for the light ahead. Sure enough the headlights dart to the right of me as I'm stopping. I look over and see a Lincoln Navigator sitting on some cheesy 20" rims. "Oh crap, their homie dawg's" I say to myself. The driver of the navigator powers his window down and glances at me with his shades halfway down his nose, like grandpa. I have my window down as well and I'd look like a p***y if I were to roll it up so I just sat there, ignoring him, pretending not to notice his evil glance. "Say..Say, Say Daw, why you be cuttN' in front of my Ride"? I pretend not to hear him. "I AXED YOU A QUESTION CRACKA"! O.K. its time to acknowledge him. I look over at the Navigator and notice another black guy with his head out the drivers window. The back window was rolled down as well with a thug looking guy staring at me hard. I could make out another guy in the backseat as well as I could make out the shadow of the panty hose top things that they wear on their head.
"4 of them" I'm thinking, "Crap". The driver asks again, "Why you be cuttN me off" and I say "Look, I did'nt cut you off and if i did, I'm sorry alright, now lets forget about it." This seemed to piss them off as I see 2 sets of gold teeth in the back start going off and the fella closest to the door in the back begins to get out of the car. "Dayuum, what the hell did I say"! Thankfully light goes green as he's doing so and I launch and VAMOOOOSH, off I go.
"CRAAAAAAAAAP" just 2 lights to go till the freeway and this one goes red. I'm all checking in my mirrors and notice the Navigator trying to hustle on up beside me as I'm still in the middle lane. buwahaha, too bad theres a car behind me and to the right of me, so this places them to my right, 1 car back. "Damn, these are long lights" I'm thinking when I begin to hear *ping....ping...TAP* I look behind me and LO & Behold, these damn ghetto arses are throwing pennies and nickles at my car as hard as possible. Ohhh THATS IT! Now my beater is nothing to gawk over, yet I still try to keep it decent looking. How can someone stoop so low as to throw objects at someone elses car at a red light. This about Pisses me off!!
(Warning: I do not condone doing what im about to do in the next paragraph, regardless if their homies As all this chaos is going on, I remeber I have a broken torque wrench in my backseat. An *evil idea* pops in my head and honestly, I'm not thinking of what the consequences could be.
I wait for the light to go green, it does, I sit there, Navigator starts rolling up slowly beside me, I yell "Damn N*****'s" and proceed with my evil plan of backhand side arming the torque wrench out my passenger window as hard as I could. *BAAAM*, the torque wrench falls to the ground and everything goes into slow motion. "What did I just do" I thought. I'm looking at the Navigator and all I see is one big ass dent , not a measly one, a BIIIIG ONE. My jaw about hits the floor, I see the driver come halfway out of his window, wide eyed, to survey the damage. I was shell shocked I made that big of a dent, I did'nt remotely plan or think it would cause anywhere near that amount of damage. "MOTHA ****A B**** ASS CRACKA"!!! he yells. This is my que to go, I launch needless to say, hustle my way around a few cars, dart out into the far right lane, take a quick right onto the feeder road of the highway, and enter onto the highway entrance ramp doing a good 90mph.
I'm pissing my pants with a smile ear to ear, laughing, "hah, dang Drew, what did you just do" I'm screaming to myself. The feeling of anger, happiness, sadness and a whole mix of others were running threw my head. Did I just do that? I proceed on at a 90 mph pace darting between cars confident I've made my getaway. Or so I thought...... *Jaws music comes in*
Part II tommorow sm board , read it guys its worth it!
Dayuum Gangsta's *LONG* part 2 of 2
disclaimer: Must read part 1 if you want to understand whats going on.
So where did I leave off? Crusing at 90 mph in my beater 91 awd thinking I've gotten away right? WRONG.
Here I am smiling from ear to ear half patting myself on the back as well as scolding myself for doing such-a-thing all the while checking each mirror once every half second. My head must of looked like a pinball. I begin to let off the throttle as the beater needs a breather from crusing at a constant 90-95 mph for about 4 miles, mostly boosted. I ease her down to 75 mph and turn on some good ol 'Jim Rome Sports show' as I'm beggining to feel a bit more calm and relaxed. Check the rearview mirror one last time for good measure, "Ahhh everythings going to be just fine" I'm thinking. Soon as I'm about to take my eyes away, there they are, those headlights about 200 yards back, looking about as attractive as a Tammy Faye Baker mug shot. It was one of those moments where you cant explain how you know such things, you just know, well I knew it was them and at that moment a chill shot up my spine knowing full well i had a 35 mile drive, less then a 1/4 tank of gas, a beater car w/ a low front passenger tire and 2:30 A.M.. Yes, I was scared.
I instantly sit up, shut off the radio, slam the car into 4th and got on it. 85....90....95....100...105mph, with each increase in mph equaled another glance in the mirror at a SUV full of 'G money cheeze slices' heading my way, at least I was gaining some distance, but not much.
The car began to vibrate at 110mph and if I have a blow-out , Im history. I ease off at 110 and settle her down at 105 thinking the Navigator definately has to be goverened at around 100 mph. Boy was I wrong, the Nav kept getting closer. "ShiOT" I scream. 'Give it up! Your 15 miles away from where I hit you' I'm thinking to myself. Then images of the DENT re-appear in my mind and the chase becomes clear again.
Nav gains ground over 3 miles and is now 150 yards away. So many thoughts running threw my head, "what if they have guns, if they catch me I'm certainly a goner". My gas guage is getting closer to the dreaded "E" and I fell like im sitting on a cheap hotel vibrating bed my car is rattling so much. I notice a sign wiz by, taunting me, showing my destination 15 miles away. "Mother Effer, please beater hang in there" I plead with the dsm gods. Checking the mirror, Nav 100 yards back now and I can almost make out the brightness of 4 sets of freshly polished gold teeth smiling away.
"Ohhhhhh mama"! I scream, whats this ahead. I squinch my eyes and notice a set of sirens on a car 150-175 yards away. What to do What to do? If I slow down, surely the G Funks will catch up with me and will take away what little momentum & distance I have going and feel remotely safe with, if I keep the same speed I risk trying to persuade some cop that I have some evil villians chasing me. And these villians will most likely be waiting for me 300 yards ahead on the shoulder of the road after being issued my ticket. The Jeopardy chime is going threw my head, 'CHOOSE SOMETHING DREW' which I do, I exit the highway before reaching the cop
Now I'm really in these guys playground, as I just entered the 5th ward, the slums of Houston. 'Good choice Drew, your one smart cookie' I'm thinking to myself as I near a red light on the feeder. Right then and there a plan hits me as I map out the situation. To the right of the light theres a grass median. Whats the plan you ask, well, I'll take a right at the light, gun it to the "U-turn" area in the median 100 ft away w/o giving giving them a clue that I'm actually going to make a U turn, and when the Nav turns right at the light, I'll just make that quick U-turn and sprint the opposite direction and take a quick left at the same light and haul arse back up onto the highway entrance ramp giving me a good 1/4 mile or so of distance between me and the Brotha's. Good Plan, I know... thankyou .. thankyou
So putting the plan into action I make a right at the light and dash to the U turn area and let off the throttle, waiting for the Nav to make their move, sure enough, it comes screeching around the corner. "BALL GAME IS OVER SUCKERS!" as I set it up perfectly and hooked a quick U-turn. I then proceeded to gun it toward the light heading the oppositte way of the Navigator. 'Brilliant, just absolutely brilliant' I'm thinking, 'Damnit O damnit' I then begin to think as I see 20" wheels hopping over the curb of the median. The Nav 25 yards ahead of me tearing threw the median and me gunning it full throttle heading straight their way. "OHH CRAP, they are going to side-swipe me" I yell. I give it all she's got thinking its better than stopping, Just like out of a movie, I jet ahead as a big SUV tumbles over the median from my left. I'm clinching my teeth together so tight I cant breath, then things, again, went into slow motion. (What is it with me and slow motion)? Will the Nav side swipe me? Will Drew avoid a collision and be able to make his left and entrance onto the highway? Find out at another drew time at the same drew channel because I'm tired and dont feel like typing anymore..
Thats it, theres a part 3 to this pile.
disclaimer: read parts 1 & 2 if you want to know whats goin on.
Finally, I begin part 3, hopefully, the last chapter to this saga. As some of you may have read in part 2, I left off with a cliff-hanger, much to the dismay of some of you folks. Patience people, Patience, its a good virtue to have
*1940's piano cliff-hanger music cuts in w/ old radio personality doing the Narrarating*
"Does Drew get Side-swiped by a Navigator full of barbariens? Does he inch past the SUV and enter onto the freeway? Stay tuned to FIND OUT!...........this show is brought to you by rich choclatey Olvatine"
So, here I am, pedal to the floor, trying to outrun the SUV thats darting across the median. I'm mumbling my prayers, thinking the worst. The Giant automobile leaps off the median with me being 5 ft away, my face frozen with a stupid look, explained in the movie "Snatch". There's no way of getting around it, I, avoided a collision. Dont ask me how, it just happened. I'll describe how close their automobile came from hitting my rear end. Think of the train in the movie "Fast and Furious" as the SUV , now think of me being the GTO, thats how close. If you didnt see the movie your S.O.L.
When opening my eyes I see a stretch of road and a stop light 30 yards ahead. "HOT DAMN" I yell, hands 10 and 2 on the wheel getting ready for the hard right hand turn at the light that awaits my arrival. I reach the light, stutter step the brake, turn the wheel hard right, and off goes the poor beater into a tire squealing side sweeping right hand turn sure to make even Tommy Makinen jealous. I took what shouldve been a stop & turn situation at 30mph. Thank goodness for a wide feeder road, because if not, my car would STILL be stuck in a ditch. I correct the car, power shift into 2nd and off I go. "Dayuum Gangsta's, Your gettin a show tonight!" I'm thinking as I glance threw my rear view and see a mountain of tire smoke. I shift to 3rd checking the rearview again and like out of a fairy tale I see this Dragon of a SUV part threw the clouds made by all 4 of my Pirelli's.
I reach the highway entrance ramp and dart up it doing 80 mph. I've built myself a 200 yard lead which I'm extremely proud of. I've got 10 miles till I reach the house plus I know of a shortcut on a good ol white trash backroad that I can use. I'm singing a new tune, Im on cloud 9, nobody can stop me now! DREW CANT BE STOPPED!!! I notice an orange light illuminating the guage cluster. I take a peek and notice my Fuel light is on. GAS CAN STOP ME NOW!!! "Ohh hell no" I'm screaming, come all this way, planning these strategic moves and driving to the best ability and 91 octane is going to stop me. "I can make it, I can make it" im thinking over and over. I'm about as determined to make it home as Rudy was to play Notre Dame football.
I'm up to 105mph when the vibration starts to settle in, I ease off the throttle knowing the puny stock intercooler/radiator are having a hay-day. So here we are, Gas light lit, temp check shows to be higher than normal and Intake temps definately in the 200 degree range. I do the pinball head dance looking in the mirrors and notice the SUV falling back to about 300 yards, giving me room to breath. A thought pops in my head 'I'm getting close to home, the nigaz are still following, what happens if they see me enter my neighborhood? Theres a few cars in the lanes up ahead, I toss on my hazards, gently steer around the innocent drivers, and at 2:45 in the morning, I enter my town.
I take the exit for my cozy little village and ease off, knowing good and well I'm running off of fumes. House being 3 miles away and me having a 300 yard lead, I'd much rather try to remain safe then sorry. Down the feeder road I go, skid to a nice turning speed where the backroad is that leads to my neighborhood. Now this is an old hick road mind you, probably built during WW2 it has so many potholes, yet, the holes are in a certain area, at the end of a right hand sweeping bend. You have to slow your car down to 5 mph if you dont want to take the chances of ruining your suspension. I laugh to myself imagining the SUV going threw these potholes, the G funks heads popping up and down like heated popcorn. I make my way threw pot hole heaven as best I can and gun it down the ol country road. Out of an Old time movie where the driver never watches the road when he's talking to someone, I'm doing the same looking threw the rear-view waiting to see headlights. Sure enough, I notice the glow of lights 350 yards back sweeping around a turn. My mouth got as big as Aerosmiths when I saw the headlights go bobbing to & fro. "Not a time to laugh Drew, think,.....your half a mile from the house". I pick up the speed.
Now a 1/4 mile from my house is a small junior college with a cop always parked inside the parking lot. The speed limit on this rd is 45mph, Im doing 80mph. What to do, what to do, "Ahh screw it" as I zoom right past the rent-a-cop either looking at porn or sleeping. Now past the school the road heads up an incline just enough so a car 150 yards back or so cant see you, my neighborhood is 100ft past the incline. One last glance going up the incline I notice the SUV way back, still in striking distance mind you, yet much thanks goes out to WW2 and potholes
I rally my car into the neighborhood and get to thinking, "Should I park in my driveway? When the ghetto kids reach the top of the incline, they wont see taillights, just an entrance to a neighborhood, where they'll get suspicious and begin to survey the houses." I definately dont need 'gold teeth ebonic talkerz out for my head' knowing where I live so I make a quick dash to an ederly couples house. I drive up their short driveway, and park my car in the shadows of their cozy car-port. I instantly shut off the car, climbed out and quietly shut the door. This bugged me more then anything the whole night, poor turbo drenched in hot oil, not being shut off properly. I snuck around the back and hopped over their wooden fence. On the way down I fell so uncoordinatedly I had no other choice but to top it off with a swift army roll maneuver. I was so embarrased even though no one was watching, yet the nifty army roll made me feel a little bit better about myself. I scatter myself to a split in the fence to where I have a clear view of the road. Now the dreaded wait, nothing but the sound of my heavy breathing and my car making funny popping noises like it does when its shut off hot.
15 minutes went by, seeming like seconds. No cars passing. "Should I go now"? I'm breathing a lot lighter and becoming more calm. I begin to brush myself off quietly as can be getting ready for my little trip home. THEN.........I notice........HEADLIGHTS, slowly, creepily moving down the street at a snails pace. "Oh no" I whisper in a desprate plee, hoping for a miracle as I'm peering at the road behind the fence. The SUV slowly passes my house, observing, slowly but surely making its way right towards the ederly couples house where im stationed. I'm thinking worst case scenario, Gangsta's see my car, jot down the address of the house, pop a few caps in my car, and dart off only to come back a few weeks later to terrorise the old folks who live there. 'Drew O Drew, what have you done'.
The SUV inches closer, one more house till they see...............their victim *insert evil laugh*
And once again Ladies and Gents, I shall finish whats left at the same Drew time and same Drew channel, tommorow . My stomach hurts and the toilet is beckoning me. Remeber today's lesson at the beggining of this chapter and USE it. tah-tah
"I'm in ambush mode, laying face down on the wet grass, peering threw the slit in the fence. My eyes are fixed on the SUV inching closer, 1 more house to go before they spot the beater. I'm thinking, calculating, scheeming up plans, yet, nothing will work, I'm doomed and I accept that. Only chance for survival is to run if spotted.
The ederly couples house is next on the list for the stubborn homies. "These guys are determined" I've thought all night & this observing each house method has proved me right to a higher degree. The SUV creeps up to the couples front yard, driveway being 10 yards away, as I'm quietly picking myself up and squating in a running stance, much like a sprinter lines up before a race. Even though it's highly unlikely I myself will be spotted, I did not want to take any chances if the G-funks were to hop out of the SUV and walk to the beater. If so, I'm out of there.
G-funks reach the driveway, I'm trembling. "Please No...No...No..." I'm repeating over and over. Any moment now my tires will be slashed and the frame riddled w/ bullets. My face is pressed against the fence, trying to get a closer view as to what fate awaits my car when its discovered, but is it discovered? The homiez are still moving, at a snails pace mind you but none the less they're moving. "Ok, whats goin on here" I'm thinking. Should I hop the fence and display where the car is in a Vanna White fashion? It almost does'nt make sence. Why Have they inched past the driveway? There's no way my car could go undetected! I'm thinking maybe they've spotted my shadow slipping threw the fence and are getting ready to bum rush me instead. I'm fully prepared to split.
Im frozen in my position, the SUV on the street 10 yards away running parrallel with the fence . Im picturing a bullet ripping threw the fence any second, popping me right in the eye. The SUV keeps rolling by. "What the Hell! This is'nt right. Is this some evil plan to torture me by pretending not to see my car or better yet not see me?" I watch wide eyed as the SUV slowly move on to the next driveway and then the next and then the next and then fades down the street and dissapears into the dark night like a bad dream.
"What's this? I get out this easy? Did this just happen"? I wait for another 10 minutes to make absolutely sure the coast is clear. I quietly hop the fence and maneuver my way to the street 10 yards away, crawling on my belly, I was not taking a risk. I can picture Morgan Freeman narrating my crawling like he did 'Andy's' crawling in the movie 'Shawshank Redemption' - "Drew, calling threw 10 yards of muck and filth....." I eventually reach the street. haha.
I make my way down the street 50 yards or so (in the shadows of course) back towards my house. "Now what kind of evil game are the gangsta's playing" I thought, "why did they pass my car"? I head back toward the ederly couples house becoming Dick Tracy, trying to picture what the Gangsta's were seeing. I'm 5 yards from the driveway and Lo & behold theres an Oak tree. A tree that I never payed attention to, raising its limbs high above the car port, providing a deep, thick shade over the lot that mixed nicely with the night time sky. Sure enough, I walk past the tree and theres no way making out a black car hidden deep within the car port, not even the red tail lights are showin. Looks like an empty space. I, right then and there, break down into a little Chris Farley dance.
As I'm laying on my fouton that night, watching Sports Center, I cant help but think about what happened. Here I am, safe and sound in my home, watching Astro highlights knowing somewhere out there, there's a group of G-funks driving around in a Navigator, with a Tremendous dent on the driver side door, bent 20's, damaged suspension, no gas, damaged pride for not killing whitey, and to top it off, their lost in "de country dawg".
The end, I'm goin to bed."