it's good to be a man
1. How many men does it take to open a beer?
>>None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
>>2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
>>Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
>>be able to support you.
>>3. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>>It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
>>the kitchen sink.
>>4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
>>When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me. . ."
>>5. How do you fix a woman's watch?
>>You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
>>6. Why do men fart more than women?
>>Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
>>7. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
>>front door, whom do you let in first?
>>The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>>8. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
>>A woman that won't do what she's told.
>>9. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
>>10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like to interrupt
>>11. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
>>12. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
>>90%. It is called Wedding Cake.
>>13. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
>>14. Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me. "What's on the TV?"
>>I said, "Dust!"
>>15. Why do men die before their wives?
>>They want to.
>>16. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
>>doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
>>Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
>>17. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: "Wife Wanted."
>>next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
>>"You can have mine."
>>18. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
>>19. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
>>with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they're beautiful.
>>20. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
>>Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed.
>>Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, and go to
>>the refrigerator !!
NEVER PLAY LEAP FROG WITH A UNICORN !!!!