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Old 09-26-2004, 04:34   #1 (permalink)
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(Joke) My Mother Taught Me!!!!

I don't know if this has been posted before but anyway here it is!!!!!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

cleaning"


2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."


3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle

of next week!"

4 My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."


6 My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."


7 My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."


8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your dinner."



9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"



10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."


11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a cyclone went through it."


12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't

exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."



14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"


15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who

don't have wonderful parents like you do."



16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."



17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"




18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you keep watching the tv, you'll get square eyes."



19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your jumper on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"


20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
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Old 09-26-2004, 04:51   #2 (permalink)
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Re: (Joke) My Mother Taught Me!!!!

Ahhh mum's, god bless 'em!
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Old 09-26-2004, 05:05   #3 (permalink)
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Re: (Joke) My Mother Taught Me!!!!

So so true!
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Old 09-26-2004, 05:23   #4 (permalink)
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Re: (Joke) My Mother Taught Me!!!!

I'm sure I have used a few of those over the years...
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Old 09-26-2004, 05:34   #5 (permalink)
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Re: (Joke) My Mother Taught Me!!!!

man, i think i have heard nearly everyone of them over the years....
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Old 09-26-2004, 08:51   #6 (permalink)
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Re: (Joke) My Mother Taught Me!!!!

I don't know whether I'm laughing hysterically at 1.50am because of lack of sleep or because I've used almost every one of those lines on my kids
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Old 09-26-2004, 10:55   #7 (permalink)
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Re: (Joke) My Mother Taught Me!!!!

i'll guess the first reason
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Old 09-28-2004, 23:17   #8 (permalink)
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Re: (Joke) My Mother Taught Me!!!!

I love my mum, wish she was still here.
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Old 09-28-2004, 23:23   #9 (permalink)
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Re: (Joke) My Mother Taught Me!!!!

lol nice one, so true , what would we do without them
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Old 09-28-2004, 23:25   #10 (permalink)
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Re: (Joke) My Mother Taught Me!!!!

Yikes...that is eerily close to what my Mum used to say to me!
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