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Old 02-13-2002, 18:12   #1 (permalink)
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Wink Love & marriage

Remember girls this is humour, not to be taken too seriously...




1. How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

3. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."

5. How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

6. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

7. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

8. I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

9. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

10. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

11. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It is called Wedding Cake.

12. Marriage is a 3-ring circus.
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffer-ring.

13. Our last fight was my fault.
My wife asked me, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

14. Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

15. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

16. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds, "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing... "You can have mine."
17. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
18. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
19. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'So that was nice.

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Old 02-13-2002, 18:18   #2 (permalink)
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Hehehehhe. You're going to be popular! :oo1:
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Old 02-13-2002, 18:21   #3 (permalink)
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LOL

Good stuff.

Isn't "Love and Marriage" a self-contradictory title?

I think you are also in a bit of trouble with Mrs EA S. Or maybe someone else is. It's certainly not my fault. There's a bit of a joke in our household about her having a big arse (she doesn't really) and the kids and I think it's funny. So I told the kids about the Valentine's Day ditty on yesterday's posts along the lines of

Blah de blah something's come to pass
Over the years our love has grown
And so has your arse.

The kids were under strict instructions not to tell mum, but they're bloody useless at following instructions. Do I need to go on?
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Old 02-13-2002, 18:35   #4 (permalink)
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Ok after reading that thread heading, am I the only one with the theme song from Married With Children stuck in my head!?! :crazy1:
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Old 02-13-2002, 18:39   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Sparkle
Ok after reading that thread heading, am I the only one with the theme song from Married With Children stuck in my head!?! :crazy1:
lol, nope. :s6:
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Old 02-13-2002, 18:42   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Sparkle
Ok after reading that thread heading, am I the only one with the theme song from Married With Children stuck in my head!?! :crazy1:
Thanks. Never occurred to me and now I've got it from your post. Also got a picture of Christina Applegate (the daughter) popping up in my mind too, so it's got compensations.
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Old 02-13-2002, 18:57   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by EA S
Thanks. Never occurred to me and now I've got it from your post. Also got a picture of Christina Applegate (the daughter) popping up in my mind too, so it's got compensations.
Just don't mention Christina Applegate to the kids aye? :s3
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Old 02-13-2002, 19:00   #8 (permalink)
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Mmmm...Kelly!

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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'So that was nice.

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Old 02-13-2002, 19:06   #9 (permalink)
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Ok after reading that thread heading, am I the only one with the theme song from Marr

Definatly not,

Love and Marriage,
Go toghether like a horse and carriage........

I can just see the fountain die as the infamous "Fergusson" toilet flushes.

Al Bundy to his son Bud:- "You will always remember the first time you use a Fergusson boy".
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Old 02-13-2002, 19:25   #10 (permalink)
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Q : Why do women get married in white???

A: Aren't all kitchen appliances white
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