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Old 05-20-2004, 21:37   #1 (permalink)
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marriage

Marriage (Part I )

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night . . . whether you're here or not."


******************************************************
Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

******************************************************
Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"


******************************************************
Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six " in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
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Old 05-20-2004, 22:18   #2 (permalink)
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Re: marriage

Funny! I sure hope none of them actually happened! ouch!
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Old 05-20-2004, 22:44   #3 (permalink)
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Re: marriage

Hahaha...all new to me. Good find davway
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Old 05-20-2004, 23:12   #4 (permalink)
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Re: marriage

Quote:
"Shall we go home Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
HAHA Thats great!
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Old 05-22-2004, 11:47   #5 (permalink)
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Re: marriage

here's another couple

marriage IV
There were these three guys who all died and found themselves in front of god.

god asked the first man "how many times did you cheat on your wife" "non, he repllied, i had a perfect marriage. ok you get to cruise around heavan in a ferrari.

god asked the second man the same thing. " only once or twice" he replied. ok you get to drive around in a mustang.

god asked the third man the same. about 16 or 17. fine you get to drive around in a rusty Holden.

a few days later the third man saw the first man criing.what's wrong. i just saw my wife. so he said. she was riding a bloody skateboard!

marriage V
A prisoner escapes from Rampton prison where he had been kept for 15 years. Whilst on the run, he finds a house and breaks into it.

He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the bloke out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he is there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey and remember I love you".

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, and honey. I love you too..."

marriage VI
Phil and Ted were sitting in a pub talking about their wives. Phil was curiuos and asked Ted why he kept refering to his missus as " Point-o-Five" Ted Laughed and said. "thats simple mate,She's the bag I blow into when i get home from the pub
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Old 05-22-2004, 21:06   #6 (permalink)
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Re: marriage

hahahah just as good!!

point 0 five!!!
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Old 05-22-2004, 23:22   #7 (permalink)
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LOL @ point of 5!
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Old 05-24-2004, 06:17   #8 (permalink)
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Re: marriage

lmao sooo funny
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