Men & Women
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to
purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for
a television set in her purse.
So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I
figured this was the most legal, evil thing I could do to him."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. How can you take boiling wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root! Yet still
be afraid of a spider?
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and
his wife, Grace, listened to the instructor. "It is essential that
husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, It's White
Wings, isn't it?"
The rest of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop right here.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The
sales clerk notices him and asks if she can help him. He answers that he
is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the
correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I
thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife."
He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came back with a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers 'cause it's soooooooooooo much cheaper.
I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she."
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton.)
JUST A FEW MORE FOR THE ROAD
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and
pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
Yes," the wife replied. "In-laws."
HARD OF HEARING?
Husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use each
day.....30,000 to a man's 15,000! The wife replied, "The reason has to
be because we have to repeat everything to men." The husband turned to
his wife and asked, What?"
AND GOD CREATED WOMAN
A man said to his wife one day, I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you
would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to