A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
''Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''
''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''
''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''
A guy is stopped at an intersection when a farm truck comes whipping past him. As the truck takes the corner, a pig comes flying out and lands on the road. The driver of the car puts the pig in his car and takes off after the farm truck. As he's speeding along trying to catch up with the truck, he goes through a speed trap and gets pulled over. The driver explains to the police officer that he's just trying to return the pig. The officer says, "Well, you'll never catch it now, you should just bring the pig to the zoo." The driver agrees, and off he goes.
The next day, the cop is patrolling, and who should he see drive by but the same guy. He still has the pig in the passenger seat, but now the pig is wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap. The police officer pulls the car over, and confronts the driver. "I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo!"
The man replies, "I did We had such a great time that I'm taking him to the football game today."
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out