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Old 06-21-2002, 04:38   #1 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Rocklyn
Posts: 7,750
Misc Jokes

Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"

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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

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Son: "Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give
up my seat to a lady."
Mum: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But Mum, I was sitting on Daddy's lap."

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Wife: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife : "What? At 2 a.m?!"
Husband: "Yes, We used night clubs."

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A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you no matter who left
you a fortune."

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Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

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"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in a 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He is the original owner."

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Interviewer: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: I owe everything to my wife.
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married
her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire."
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Old 06-21-2002, 04:48   #2 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Rocklyn
Posts: 7,750
Top 10 Dog Pet Peeves About Humans
--------------------------------------
1. Blaming your gas on me.... Not Funny
2. Yelling at me for barking. I am a dog you idiot.
3. Taking me for a walk then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose
walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick balancing food on my nose.... Stop it.
5. Yelling at me for rubbing myself on your carpet. Why did you buy carpet?
6. Getting upset when I sniff crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't
quite mastered the handshake thing yet...idiot
7. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your
stuff up when you are not home.
8. Taking me to the vet for "The big snip", then acting surprised when I
freak out everytime we go back.
9. Dog Sweaters
10. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throws. You fooled a dog! What a proud
moment for the top of the food chain you nitwit.
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