More good jokes
these are from Street Machine
You're a street machiner when:
The emissions test guys start laughing as
soon as you pull into the bay
You can't drive your car in the rain
Your missus is afraid to drive your car
YOU are afraid to drive your car
Your missus won't even ride in the car
You spend more on tyres than on food
Your council decides not to re-pave your street
with that new rubberised ashphalt because you've
already "done such a good job"
You spend more on car insurance than on house payments
Your insurance company has to create a whole new acturial
table to cover you and your vehicle
You see a picture of your car taped to the bulletin board
at your local police station
Your local council has passed an ordinance making it illegal
for you to even enter a school zone unless you are on foot
Traffic advisories are issued whenever your car is spotted
in peak hour
Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you
You have speed shops on your telephone speed dial
You're tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to work
You refer to the intersection at the end of your street as turn 1
You get pulled over for doing 120 in a 60 zone but the cops
will let you go if they can see under the bonnet
News footage of the cops chasing you is used as
training video for the highway patrol
Your face looks like a NASA centrifuge when you drive your car
You need parachute braking
There is no possible way to sneak out of your neighbourhood
at 6am
Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage
door is opened
You wear earplugs in the car
You find out that stock side mirrors don't hold up at speeds
over 240kph
Your exhausts are larger diameter than your driveshaft
Your fuel pump can be used to water a golf course
Your engine idles at 2800rpm
You don't know that 20L/100km is appaling fuel economy; in
fact you aspire to it
The local airport complains about the noise comming from your
garage on saturdays
You believe ABS and traction control only take the fun out of driving
AUSSIE COMPUTER TERMS
LOG ON make the barby hotter
LOG OFF don't add any more wood
MONITOR keep an eye on the barby
DOWNLOAD get the firewood off the ute
HARD DRIVE trip home with cold tinnies
FLOPPY DISC what you get lifting too much firewood at once
KEYBOARD where you hang the ute keys
WINDOW what you shut when it's cold
SCREEN what you shut in mozzie season
BYTE what mozzies do
BIT what mozzies did
MEGA BYTE what Cairns mozzies do
CHIP a bar snack
MICRO CHIP whats left in the bag after you've eaten the chips
MODEM what you did to the lawns
DOT MATRIX old Dan Matrixes wife
LAP TOP where the cat sleeps
SOFTWARE plastic knives and forks you get at red rooster
HARDWARE real stainless knives and forks from K-mart
MOUSE what eats grain in the shed
MAINFRAME what holds the shed up
WEB what spiders make
WEBSITE the shed or under the veranda
CURSOR the old bloke down the pub who swears a lot
SEARCH ENGINE what you do when the ute won't go
YAHOO what you say when the ute starts
UPGRADE a steep hill
SERVER the woman at the pub that brings out the counter lunch
MAIL SERVER the bloke at the pub that brings out the counter lunch
INTERNET complicated fish net repair method
NETSCAPE when the fish manoeuvers out of reach of net
ONLINE when you hang out the laundry
OFFLINE when the pegs don't hold the washing on the line
__________________
XD Fairmont, X-COP, BIG BLOCK  still in bits 
 Injected RS2000 2 door (new toy) 
EA Falcon, MPFI, 16in XR6 wheels,
2x1000W 12in subdoofers, splits,
TE cortina,Toyota Supra,TD cortina
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Linear Mode
