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Old 05-23-2003, 12:09   #1 (permalink)
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my useless joke

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
What makes life 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top. And look how far ass kissing and brown nosing will take you.

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

B R O W N N O S I N G
2 18 15 23 14 14 15 19 5 9 14 7 = 155%

So the next time someone asks you to give more than 100% you know what is required!
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Old 05-23-2003, 15:51   #2 (permalink)
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Yeah it was useless


please take anything I say as being a direct oppisite of what i mean
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Old 05-23-2003, 16:37   #3 (permalink)
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thanks
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Old 05-23-2003, 16:48   #4 (permalink)
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Hahaha, that's a well thought out joke !
Here's mine:

A guy walks into a bar with a slab of bitumen.
He says to the bartender:" 2 beers thanks, one for me and one for the road."

Cheers
Paul
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Old 05-24-2003, 06:43   #5 (permalink)
 
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Thats pretty good, ill have to print it and take it in to work! Its already the theme of the workplace!!!
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%
B R O W N N O S I N G
2 18 15 23 14 14 15 19 5 9 14 7 = 155%

Not to mention N E P O T I S I M
14 5 16 15 20 9 19 9 13 = 120%
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Old 05-24-2003, 15:41   #6 (permalink)
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N Z
14 26

I give 40% at work. Sounds about right
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Old 05-25-2003, 03:41   #7 (permalink)
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L A Z Y N E S S =119%
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Am i suppost to put something funny here?
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Old 05-25-2003, 05:55   #8 (permalink)
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G'day guys, just thought I'd let you know that you should consult a dickshunary, eg, nepotism, laziness etc.
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Old 05-25-2003, 06:13   #9 (permalink)
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Old 05-25-2003, 18:20   #10 (permalink)
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WINGING IT = 119%

23 9 13 23 9 13 23 9 20
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