Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Anywhere EXCEPT a Holden deale
New AFL stats
Hope this hasn't been posted B4...
Remember when a player's output could be measured in kicks, marks and
> > handballs? Now, of course, there's statistics on hardball gets, inside
> > 50's, handball receives, goal assists and everything else you never
> > needed to know about your favourite player.
> > Unfortunately, the statisticians don't keep a record of the really
> > important stuff. The sorts of things that those of us in the outer
> > take plenty of notice of, but never appear in the official records.
> > Stats like:
> > GFU's (Gifts From Umpires)
> > They'll deny it, but it's a fact that the umpiring fraternity have
> > their favourites. These golden-haired boys get away with murder on a
> > weekly basis. They never get pinged for holding the ball, always get a
> > free kick even if they've blatantly ducked into a tackle, and the
> > slightest touch to the shoulder in a marking contest sees them taking
> > a free shot on goal 15 metres out. You can't touch them.
> > Not naming names, but if they kept this statistic, a certain Essendon
> > captain's stat sheet would look a lot like K-20, HB-11, M-8, GFU-9.
> > BWB's (Ball? What Ball?)
> > Byron Pickett is the current league leader in BWB's. These are acts
> > that in no way require use of the ball, intention to win the ball, or
> > even acknowledgement that there's a ball on the field. Previous BWB
> > league-leaders include John Worsfold, David Rhys-Jones and Karl
> > Ditterich.
> > NRF's (No Right Foot)
> > Every time a natural left-footer gains possession of the ball and runs
> > around in a huge, seemingly pointless arc, for the express purpose of
> > getting onto his preferred foot, he should rack up an NRF stat. Scott
> > Lucas, come on down.
> > AG's (Arsy Goals)
> > Why should a player be credited for a goal when he was really just
> > trying to centre the ball? And does anyone really believe that David
> > King was genuinely having a shot for goal when he soccered that one
> > through from 50 metres? Thought not.
> > Creating the new stat of Arsy Goals would also have a side-benefit. At
> > season's end, the league could award not only the Coleman Medal, but
> > the Milne Medal as well.
> > DOG's (Delusions Of Grandeur)
> > When a player of limited skill has a complete brainfade and thinks
> > he's Garry Ablett on a good day, bad things happen. Like when Dean
> > Wallis thought he'd magically inherited the evasive skills of Rob
> > Harvey, only to blow the> 'gimmee' Premiership by getting tackled by
> > Fraser Brown.
> > Perhaps the game's greatest living exponent of the DOG was our very
> > own Ron De Iulio. Six players between Ronnie and the goalsquare? Not a
> > problem. He'd just try & evade every single one of them!
> > PA's (Petulant Acts)
> > There may be no 'i' in team, but as far as some footballers are
> > concerned, it certainly contains the letters 'me'.
> > On-field petulance can take many forms, such as Mick Martyn's
> > histrionics when some of history's most obvious and warranted free
> > kicks were paid against him. Or Matthew Richardson's dummy-spitting
> > whenever his 'laces-out' edict is ignored.
> > But without a doubt, the most prolific accumulator of PA's in modern
> > football is Nathan Kick It To Me! Kick It To Me!! Buckley.
> > Collingwood-watchers will tell you that Buckley's PA's are way down
> > these last couple of years, and that he's given up on publicly
> > berating those teammates who (in his opinion) aren't quite as
> > talented, hardworking and motivated as he is.
> > Which may indicate a newfound humility born of maturity. Either that,
> > or he's cottoned on to the fact that his team has the uncomfortable
> > knack of winning games without him.
> > WK's (Wet Kleenex's)
> > A relatively new category, pioneered by Collingwood in the immediate
> > aftermath of the 2002 Grand Final. Malthouse cried. Licuria cried. But
> > Leon Davis didn't, which is a pity. It would have broken the monotony
> > of all those zero's on his stats sheet.
> > IC's (Incomprehensible Contributions)
> > There's always the player who seems to get a game week in, week out.
> > But no-one can ever figure out exactly why, because they seldom seem
> > to get the ball, or stop anyone in a different-coloured jumper from
> > getting it either. Seeing as he's continually selected based on his
> > 'presence' (read huge bum), but rarely troubles the statisticians in
> > the traditional Kicks, Marks, Handballs department, you'd have to say
> > Craig Biddescombe's IC's would be way up there.
> > FE's (Fake Enthusiasm)
> > I could be horribly wrong here, but when every single goal is
> > celebrated like the kick-after-the-siren-to-win-the-grand-final, I get
> > a little suspicious. If they introduced this stat, David King would
> > doubtless have plenty of dots in the FE column to go with his
> > multitude of AG's.
> > ST's (Stuff That's)
> > Even from fifty metres away in the crowd, you can tell when a player
> > can't be bothered chasing. Or when he decides that backing into an
> > oncoming pack may not be the wisest course of action. Scott Cummings
> > take a bow.