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Old 12-16-2002, 16:12   #1 (permalink)
JR
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OLDIE: To women everywhere, from a man who's had enough!!!

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE, FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH:

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

3. If you won't dress like lingerie models, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

4. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.

6. One of the big reason guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

7. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

8. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

9. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

10. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, footy, sex, V8 Supercars or sex.

11. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

12. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

13. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

14. You have enough clothes.

15. You have too many shoes.

16. Crying is blackmail.

17. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work.

18. Strong hints don't work.

19. Really obvious hints don't work. For God’s sake JUST TELL US!

20. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

21. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

22. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

23. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

24. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

25. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

26. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the f*uck they're saying anyway).

27. Check the oil in your car!.

28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

29. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

30. Anything we said 6 months or 6 years ago is inadmissible in an argument.

31. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

32. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

33. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

34. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

36. If it itches, it will be scratched.

37. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

38. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I'll have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know we really don't mind that? It's like camping!
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Old 12-17-2002, 02:21   #2 (permalink)
Room For 2
 
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A WOMAN'S REPLY:

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

ANSWER: We don't pee on the toilet seat. So when you put the lid up its clean, when we put it down-- yellow water fall... YUK

2. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. ANSWER : Oh i see, so therefore, Phantom, Blueprint and Acid Rush........Hmmmmmmm - the latest videos out???

3. If you won't dress like lingerie models, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

ANSWER: Lingerie models are made of plastic and sit in shop windows.

4. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

ANSWER: The probem is I am fat and I try not to think about it. I don't ask.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.

ANSWER: Does that mean I don't have to shave my legs anymore..wooohooooo Long hair.

6. One of the big reason guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

ANSWER: Don't marry her and she won't cut her hair . Simple.

7. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

ANSWER: Good, that means I don't have to buy him something.

8. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

ANSWER: What?

9. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

ANSWER: Good, I never think about you. I'd rather think about my car.

10. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, footy, sex, V8 Supercars or sex.

ANSWER: My boyfriend doesn't even know who drives for HRT or Ford. I wish i could talk about V8 supercars.

11. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

ANSWER: Yep, only use the boyfriend to set up the VCR to tape the race.

12. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

ANSWER: So don't as me what did I buy you when i get home from shopping. And when you do come shopping U need me to find the car for u in the carpark.

13. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

ANSWER: Can i wear my FORD t-shirt there??

14. You have enough clothes.

ANSWER: But not enough FORD clothes

15. You have too many shoes.

ANSWER: Shame they don't have any FORD shoes, I'd like a pair of them.

16. Crying is blackmail.

ANSWER: Yep, When your man decides to hit the nearest pole with your XR, you cry... A LOT

17. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work.

ANSWER: I do ask and he still doesn't get it.

18. Strong hints don't work.

ANSWER: Yelling doen't seem to work either

19. Really obvious hints don't work. For God’s sake JUST TELL US!

ANSWER: I can write it on the fridge and it STILL doesn't sink in.

20. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

ANSWER: on the 5 of november is my cars birthday and on the
16 of January is the day I picked her up from the dealer. Don't forget.

21. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

ANSWER: So, Clean it up - is it that difficult.

22. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

ANSWER: I have a ute and I don't wear dresses.

23. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

ANSWER: Fine. NO you cannot drive my car.

24. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

ANSWER: I did that once... Can u move my car for me... Sure - Bang he hits the pole. FARK

25. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

ANSWER: I'm going to cry. NOT

26. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the f*uck they're saying anyway).

ANSWER: I hate StaR WArs, Blah blah blah

27. Check the oil in your car!.

ANSWER: No thats my mechanics job, how about u wash your car!

28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

ANSWER: I always win

29. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

ANSWER: Unless its about Star wars.

30. Anything we said 6 months or 6 years ago is inadmissible in an argument.

ANSWER: Yep beacuse what you said 6 months ago is WRONG.

31. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

ANSWER: Good, goes both ways I hope

32. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

ANSWER: I'm sorry, I didn't see the pole!! It mad me sad and very angry. Don't BS your way out of saying something.

33. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

ANSWER: Thats OK, as long as I can look at Guys in Fords.

34. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

ANSWER: Oh I forgot, Men can do anything and everything, and they remind you that they are the BEST drivers and then hit a pole with your 3 week old car.

35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

ANSWER: Make me a cup of coffee.

36. If it itches, it will be scratched.

ANSWER: Thats fine, but not in middle of K-Mart

37. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

ANSWER: i hate handbags, ( I must me the only girl that hates carrying a stupid handbag )

38. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

ANSWER: You know the answer and you just like being a pest by asking a stupid question.


Written by a girl that hates Dressed, Handbags, Star Wars and her best mate is her Falcon Ute ( yum )!
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Old 12-17-2002, 04:46   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by MISSXR
A WOMAN'S REPLY:

Written by a girl that hates Dressed, Handbags, Star Wars and her best mate is her Falcon Ute ( yum )!
Ha Ha Ha Ha

Everyones a smartarse.
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Old 12-17-2002, 15:40   #4 (permalink)
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36. If it itches, it will be scratched.

ANSWER: Thats fine, but not in middle of K-Mart

36b Why not?
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Old 12-17-2002, 20:34   #5 (permalink)
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yeah great i get on here to escape the domestics and what do we get..........

hehehehe good stuff.......most entertaining
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Old 12-18-2002, 04:15   #6 (permalink)
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lol, what kind of female answers where they, I'm guessing JR was talking about 99% of women your in the other 1% (sorry)
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Old 12-18-2002, 05:36   #7 (permalink)
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Yep, I really hate handbags... dragging the stupid things everwhere. Maybe I am in the 1%. Never thought about that.
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Old 12-18-2002, 17:01   #8 (permalink)
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Yeah sorry mrsXR but your answers dont count. The woman JR speaks of are the regular kind. Your more like a man with titts
( . Y . ). No offence, i think its a good thing!!!
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Old 12-18-2002, 17:40   #9 (permalink)
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Don't call me MRS XR I am not married. I really don't think most women are as bad as JR makes out.
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