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post #1 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-03, 09:36 PM Thread Starter
Blue Blooded Ford Man
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Riverina, NSW. Falcon country
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One for the Boys

This is a bit old, but still funny.

1. How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.

3. Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.

4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

5. How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

6. Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

7. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, whom do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

9. I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -

I don't like to interrupt her.

12. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%.

It is called Wedding Cake.

13. Marriage is a 3-ring circus:

Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering

14. Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me. "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

15. Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

16. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

17. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing
"You can have mine."

18. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once.

19. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

20. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?

Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to
bed.
Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the
refrigerator.

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This could be the start of something big
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post #2 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-03, 09:41 PM
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Location: Melbourne, Australia
Age: 30
Posts: 5,083
Re: One for the Boys

Oh I can't help myself!

Why don't women ski?

There's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.

Why did the woman cross the road?

Who cares, what the hell was she doing out of the kitchen?



OOOOOOK Ken, watch as our reputations go down the tube! Kidding ladies, kidding

Last edited by psycho chicken; 06-21-03 at 10:44 PM.
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post #3 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-03, 10:24 PM
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Location: Perth, Australia
Age: 33
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Re: One for the Boys

I'm jumping on this bandwagon

Q. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A. Your nose is next

Q. Whats the first thing a woman she do after she gets out of the battered wifes refuge?
A. The dishes if she knows what good for her

Q. Why is it good to have a blonde in your front seat?
A. So you can park in the handicap bays

Q. Why do woman have legs?
A. You've seen the mess a snail makes....

Q. Why do woman wear white on their wedding day?
A. So the dishwasher matches the Washing Machine and dryer

I'm going to shutup now.
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post #4 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-03, 10:24 PM
Still Here! Barely...
 
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Re: One for the Boys

ROFL!!!!!!

Oh dear.... you blokes lol... i'll get the feminist fat dikes on to you!!!!

Manual... the only way to drive!!

Proud DUAG member!

Under a smidge bit of construction - *http://au.geocities.com/crystalized13/*
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post #5 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-03, 10:28 PM
***** Idiot....
 
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Re: One for the Boys

bad thing is that Ken would like that.
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post #6 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-03, 10:38 PM
Still Here! Barely...
 
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Age: 30
Posts: 652
Re: One for the Boys

ewwwwwwwwwwww....... that would be disturbing...

Manual... the only way to drive!!

Proud DUAG member!

Under a smidge bit of construction - *http://au.geocities.com/crystalized13/*
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post #7 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-03, 11:14 PM Thread Starter
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Location: Riverina, NSW. Falcon country
Age: 37
Posts: 1,619
Re: One for the Boys

I do ride a motorbike.

But, I don't want my bikers bitch to beat me up.

Or do i?

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This could be the start of something big
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post #8 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-03, 12:05 AM
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Location: God's Country (Penrith)
Age: 29
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Re: One for the Boys

Oh dear(tm).... I can't take much more FF.com....

why can I hear cheering at the thought of me not being here?

"When I joined the marines all they gave us was two sticks and a rock! And we had to share the rock between the whole platoon!"
-----------
H2 pwnz j00 foo.
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post #9 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-03, 12:34 AM
Boat Hunting ;)
 
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Location: adelaide
Age: 30
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Re: One for the Boys

what do you do if your wife tells you her watch has a flat battery??!

Ask her what the HELL she is doing with a watch when there is a clock on the stove!!!

AU2 S-pack Owner: Silhouette Black, XR6 Wheels, Tickford Sunroof, C2R rear bar, Checker Plate Floor Mats, Chrome Door Sills, Blue Backlite Dash, Blue Painted Brake Callipers, Advanced Extractors, Magnaflow High Flow Cat, 2.5" Stainless Steel Mandrel Bent Custom Exhaust, Genie Muffler. Sony Explode 50w x 4 deck, Kenwood 140w speakers (front and rear), Boss 1200 watt Amplifier, 12" Orion Sub in custom box. More To Come!!
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post #10 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-03, 12:53 AM
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Re: One for the Boys

What do you do if your wife is yelling at you while watching television...?

Shorten the chain to the sink.
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