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Old 04-08-2004, 19:22   #1 (permalink)
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Out of the mouths of babes

Why We Love Children

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to
sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

6 . When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

7 . A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said,"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in sunday School, and said,"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

10 . A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on
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Old 04-09-2004, 03:25   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Out of the mouths of babes

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Old 04-09-2004, 10:11   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Out of the mouths of babes

Classic!
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Old 04-09-2004, 17:30   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Out of the mouths of babes

Funny stuff!!
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Old 04-09-2004, 18:34   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Out of the mouths of babes

LOL, how come the girls always wanna play with the smooth guys? Dont they have a soft spot in their hearts for clumsy oafs like me???
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Old 04-09-2004, 23:02   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Out of the mouths of babes

Here's another one - A mother was lining up in a really crowded bank queue with her 4 year old daughter. The little girl started swinging on the rope that guided the queue, and started walking away from her mother. The mother asked the little girl to come back but the girl ignored her. The mother asked again, but the little girl said no and kept swinging. Finally, as the little girl was a fair way away from her mother, the mother yelled, "if you don't come back here, we will go straight home and you won't get any icecream!" to which the little girl yelled back, "if you make me come back, i'll tell grandma i saw you kissing daddy's pee pee last night."
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Old 04-13-2004, 16:52   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Out of the mouths of babes

Darren!

Brilliant, they are absolutely hilarious!
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Old 04-13-2004, 17:00   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Out of the mouths of babes

Hey Guys

Can't wait for my little one to come out with ths stuff, but for now he just goes dad dad dad and mum mum mum lol

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Old 04-13-2004, 17:01   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Out of the mouths of babes

Quote:
Originally Posted by normell
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said,"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

10 . A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
LOL - these are the ones that made me laugh the most
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Old 04-13-2004, 18:41   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Out of the mouths of babes

LMFAO @ Kooky's story
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