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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-29-03, 03:38 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Geelong
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Qantas

After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form called a gripe
sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on
the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot
reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and
problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by
Qantas maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major
airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Cheers

Ben

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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-29-03, 04:07 AM
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Re: Qantas

heheh just as funny the second time :s6: :s6: :s6: ! seen that one here before....

james


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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-29-03, 08:04 AM
Gonna miss the ED :(
 
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Re: Qantas

seen it a MILLIOn times but its still stupidly funny!

1994 ED 6CYL 14.8@92mph
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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-29-03, 08:33 AM
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Bwa Haaaaaa Love it, Love it.

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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-30-03, 03:14 AM
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Quote:
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that hasn't had an accident
Well without wanting to cause doubt on this - I believe a QANTAS 747-400 stacked it off the end of a runway in Asia ending up in a golf course that counts as an accident
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-30-03, 03:34 AM
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Hmmm, something like that.

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Herrod XR8 ute for sale. too many extras to list.
Check it out here.


http://www.fordforums.com/showthread.php?t=66083

http://www.fordgallery.com/showgalle...00&ppuser=9077
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-30-03, 04:27 AM
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Re: Qantas

Love it!!

So this is why I always fly Virgin??


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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-30-03, 05:17 AM
gone
 
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Re: Qantas

Sensational

Great laugh!
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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-30-03, 08:07 AM
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Re: Qantas

i remember that put one off the end of sydney runway once in to the drink but it was only a small prop plane
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 08-30-03, 10:49 AM
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Re: Qantas

Geez wouldn't you feel bad if you were the guy who piloted the first qantas plane to ever crash!
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