(I don't know if these are true or not, but they are worth a look for a laugh)
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Toursim Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie.
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I
forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
21. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
22. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
There must be something about Swedes - I remember a case in the Torres Straits (Thursday Island) where Swedish backpackers wanted to know how much a one way trip to the Barrier Reef would cost. The boat operator diplomatically enquired as to how they expected to get back - to which they replied that they intended walking down the reef to Cairns, camping along the way on coral attols.
When I was in the US many years ago, these people were asking me about Australia. One of them asked about the bushfires.
I told them we love bushfires, and she asked why. I told her that after a fire goes through people run around picking up burnt koalas, emus, kangaroos, etc and eat them as they have alreadt been cooked.
They believed me.
I also got a slap across the face when one woman asked if we said the "F" word in Australia. I said yeah and we also say the "C" word.
hey ken that address didnt work for me, is it right?
AU2 S-pack Owner: Silhouette Black, XR6 Wheels, Tickford Sunroof, C2R rear bar, Checker Plate Floor Mats, Chrome Door Sills, Blue Backlite Dash, Blue Painted Brake Callipers, Advanced Extractors, Magnaflow High Flow Cat, 2.5" Stainless Steel Mandrel Bent Custom Exhaust, Genie Muffler. Sony Explode 50w x 4 deck, Kenwood 140w speakers (front and rear), Boss 1200 watt Amplifier, 12" Orion Sub in custom box. More To Come!!
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