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Old 04-01-2004, 21:58   #1 (permalink)
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Tongue The Retrosexual movement

I got this emailed to me from dad back home. Thought it might get a few laughs. I reckon it fits me to a tee.

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I took this off another board as I thought it was "spot on"!

You've probably heard of the term 'metrosexual', or stupid things like 'queer eye for the straight guy'. Well here is the latest movement, the Retrosexual!
Ok folks, I have had it. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men redecorating houses, talking about foreign concepts like "style", and "fixing" guys like myself. Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell, "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement.

The Code
A Retrosexual DEALS with it. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need 1
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff if need be. This falls under the "dealing with it" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for sex. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little wuss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you. Buck up WUSSY.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang on drums to bond with other guys. That stuff is gay. However dressing in kilts, banging on drums around a campfire, and drinking heavily is just fine.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. (If not, he can borrow some from a friend who has enough wound stories to last for 3 lifetimes)
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. Get a beer and a shot of scotch or burbon.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear, or are trying to make up for a small penis. Guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL with it. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

Note:
Crying. There are very few reason that a retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a retrosexual can cry include ( but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet ( fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.
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Last edited by donno; 04-01-2004 at 22:22.
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Old 04-01-2004, 22:04   #2 (permalink)
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Re: The Retrosexual movement

YAY!!! About bloody time it was said!!

I'm a Retrosexual and proud of it. Now go get me a beer biatch!
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Old 04-01-2004, 22:16   #3 (permalink)
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Re: The Retrosexual movement

Deal with it!
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Old 04-01-2004, 22:20   #4 (permalink)
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Re: The Retrosexual movement

Ahh it is okay to be what I am. I am RETROSEXUAL and IM PROUD OF IT.
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Old 04-01-2004, 22:34   #5 (permalink)
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Re: The Retrosexual movement

It all started to go wrong with the "snag" crap . . and its gone downhill from there . . .
I'm happily a retrosexual.
A Retrosexual DEALS with it. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
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Old 04-02-2004, 00:51   #6 (permalink)
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Re: The Retrosexual movement

Down with nancy boys!

I'll listen to heavy metal, play with cars, shoot stuff and drink beer as much as I want, I don't care what some 'queer' guy tells me I should do.
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Old 04-02-2004, 01:05   #7 (permalink)
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Re: The Retrosexual movement

Im a RETROSEXUAL and DAMN bloody proud of it.
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Old 04-02-2004, 01:11   #8 (permalink)
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Re: The Retrosexual movement

I like it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by psycho chicken

I'll listen to heavy metal
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Old 04-02-2004, 01:12   #9 (permalink)
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Re: The Retrosexual movement

Notice no where in the list did it approve of 2 retrosexuals shareing a bloody umbrella? It's just NOT DONE!
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Old 04-02-2004, 01:14   #10 (permalink)
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