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Old 10-21-2004, 05:56   #1 (permalink)
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Rolls-Royce SUV!

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Wierd somehow I don't think it'll work, For some reason I cannot see people driving 4 wheel drive Rolls-Royces...
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Old 10-21-2004, 16:14   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Rolls-Royce SUV!

Well why not?

Times change, What if the queen was being chased by terrorists? Picture this: the queen has just come back from judging some interminably boring royal corgi society competition, and she's got Mohamed with ak47's, mortars, and RSM's (royalty seeking missiles) chasing her down the road in some souped up Hummer that they built from iraqi war leftovers scavenged in the desert whilst on the way to a ramadan anti-banquet.

She screams out "by jeeves, Jeeves escape these nasty camel jockeys at once!" ... Poor old jeeves puts his foot down and the royal roller wheezes in that of under-inducted 50's kind of way, like its an asthmatic giant trying to escape from a family of hungry pit bulls but gain's no distance on Mohamed's souped up hummer bitza.. She's royally excreting herself as Jeeve's slings it around Hyde park corner, the tyres peeling away as the crap marshmellow suspension allows the 4 ton body to lurch so far that the rear mudguards peel away the tyre in strips not unsimilar to the strip's seen by the royal chef whilst peeling the apple skin for the royal apple pie desert.
Mohammed aims,and fires.. .....KAHBUSHKA... the missile hits.. british royalty has been struck an indecent blow.. the queen is dead, dead mangled corgi's scatter the accident site but jeeves survives to sell his story to readers digest or penthouse for a few pints of ale. The corgi society never recovers, corgi's are lost to the world forever.......

I know its shocking.. but it could happen..

HOWEVER...

Thanks to the foresight of rolls royce, here is the alternate scenario...

The queen is being chased by mohamed with his box of goodies, attempting to put someone with less wrinkles and showing less leg on the modern british currency. She screams to Jeeves "get me the copulation out of here", Jeeves hammers the go pedal, alerts the buckingham palace mounted police for urgent assistance by carrier pigeon out the drivers window then ( and here's the good bit!) Jams the roller into 4wd (escape mode), it's body raises, metal stud appear from the tyre's, the nitrous is activated, and the "royalsroyce" darts across the road, straight into the muddiest section of hyde park.. It's so fast it just skates across a muddy section with ease, the queen hardly losing a drop of lipton on the way as she escapes to saftey...

Mohamed, in his bitza Hummer with its enormous weight and bad driving skills, understeers into the mud, flips momentarily hit's a tree, and is ko'd.

As queue's of tourist's form at the crashed hummer's window, asking for Kebab's with extra hot chilli, yoghurt but no onions, the queen sit's in her haven of saftey, writing a letter of thanks to roll's royce for having the foresight to make a vehicle which served her so proudly in her moment of need. The roll's royce brand is awarded a Knighthood, (The cars are now known as Sir rolls royce's) and prospers for the next 50 year's based on the story of engenuity of sir rolls royce's engineers..


Ok.. i have proved the need.. Now they just need to build them..
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Old 10-21-2004, 20:06   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Rolls-Royce SUV!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ricecooker
Well why not?

Times change, What if the queen was being chased by terrorists? Picture this: the queen has just come back from judging some interminably boring royal corgi society competition, and she's got Mohamed with ak47's, mortars, and RSM's (royalty seeking missiles) chasing her down the road in some souped up Hummer that they built from iraqi war leftovers scavenged in the desert whilst on the way to a ramadan anti-banquet.

She screams out "by jeeves, Jeeves escape these nasty camel jockeys at once!" ... Poor old jeeves puts his foot down and the royal roller wheezes in that of under-inducted 50's kind of way, like its an asthmatic giant trying to escape from a family of hungry pit bulls but gain's no distance on Mohamed's souped up hummer bitza.. She's royally excreting herself as Jeeve's slings it around Hyde park corner, the tyres peeling away as the crap marshmellow suspension allows the 4 ton body to lurch so far that the rear mudguards peel away the tyre in strips not unsimilar to the strip's seen by the royal chef whilst peeling the apple skin for the royal apple pie desert.
Mohammed aims,and fires.. .....KAHBUSHKA... the missile hits.. british royalty has been struck an indecent blow.. the queen is dead, dead mangled corgi's scatter the accident site but jeeves survives to sell his story to readers digest or penthouse for a few pints of ale. The corgi society never recovers, corgi's are lost to the world forever.......

I know its shocking.. but it could happen..

HOWEVER...

Thanks to the foresight of rolls royce, here is the alternate scenario...

The queen is being chased by mohamed with his box of goodies, attempting to put someone with less wrinkles and showing less leg on the modern british currency. She screams to Jeeves "get me the copulation out of here", Jeeves hammers the go pedal, alerts the buckingham palace mounted police for urgent assistance by carrier pigeon out the drivers window then ( and here's the good bit!) Jams the roller into 4wd (escape mode), it's body raises, metal stud appear from the tyre's, the nitrous is activated, and the "royalsroyce" darts across the road, straight into the muddiest section of hyde park.. It's so fast it just skates across a muddy section with ease, the queen hardly losing a drop of lipton on the way as she escapes to saftey...

Mohamed, in his bitza Hummer with its enormous weight and bad driving skills, understeers into the mud, flips momentarily hit's a tree, and is ko'd.

As queue's of tourist's form at the crashed hummer's window, asking for Kebab's with extra hot chilli, yoghurt but no onions, the queen sit's in her haven of saftey, writing a letter of thanks to roll's royce for having the foresight to make a vehicle which served her so proudly in her moment of need. The roll's royce brand is awarded a Knighthood, (The cars are now known as Sir rolls royce's) and prospers for the next 50 year's based on the story of engenuity of sir rolls royce's engineers..


Ok.. i have proved the need.. Now they just need to build them..
Alternatively, you're talking bollocks.

IF this is a true story (as opposed to a rumour) and Rolls Royce actually did end up making an SUV, then it would be as politically incorrect as the Porsche Cayenne, and just about as pointless, as a vehicle. I see one of those every day on my commute, and I laugh at it, every single day. As far as I'm concerned, there already exists a Rolls Royce SUV, and it's called a Range Rover.

Anyway, regardless of my feelings for the Cayenne, it's done a fantastic job for Porsche - created loads more money so they can throw most of it at the 911 or Boxster. From that point of view, I support the existence of the Cayenne.

If Rolls are thinking along the same lines, then I say good luck to them. But I hope they spend the extra cash on a new designer, because the new Phantom looks like a load of crap, frankly.
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Old 10-21-2004, 23:42   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Rolls-Royce SUV!

my 2c, looks gay.

But would probably sell.
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Old 10-22-2004, 01:24   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Rolls-Royce SUV!

from the front it looks as if it will be very 'squarish' like most probably a Range Rover...

ricecooker... very weird scenerio, but I guess nothing is impossible
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Old 10-22-2004, 02:37   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Rolls-Royce SUV!

that was one of the best laughs ive had all week. I can see it selling (unfortunately), the Toorak Tractor will be upgraded.

And those Porshe Cayenne or whatever they're called are a pretty capable 4wd from what i hear.
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