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Old 06-24-2003, 05:24   #1 (permalink)
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biggrin Rules For Dating My Daughter!

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends look like slovenly idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise:You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will use my electric nail gun to fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex with my daughter, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my daughter. She is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: *Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. *Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns with eyesight. *Places where there is darkness. *Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. *Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. *Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. *Movies which feature chainsaws are okay. *Hockey games are okay. *Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless arbiter of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and thirty acres behind the barn. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy in Vietnam. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean my guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Have a nice date with my daughter.
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Old 06-24-2003, 05:59   #2 (permalink)
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Hehe! Reminds me of Robert De Niro in Meet the Parents.
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Old 06-24-2003, 06:06   #3 (permalink)
 
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hehehehe Pretty funny man but Ive met fathers like you before and ive learnt one thing! There all talk! Ill take your littel girl out all right buy shell be coming home a woman!
While your sitting at home polishing your guns, ive told the local vietnamese community that your house is the local skinhead headquaters! Your next agent orange hullucionation will be more real than you could ever imagine and we will come home to fine the Viets once again won the war!

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Old 06-24-2003, 06:48   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Rules For Dating My Daughter!

Be careful Phoenix mate there are some Nam vets here :)
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Old 06-24-2003, 07:27   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Rules For Dating My Daughter!

Ah we all know the Aussies beat em anyway! Damn seppo military!

I haven't ran into this kind of father.......yet. I'll probably turn out like that though lol.
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Old 06-24-2003, 07:47   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Rules For Dating My Daughter!

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Originally Posted by PHoeNiX_EB
hehehehe Pretty funny man but Ive met fathers like you before and ive learnt one thing! There all talk! Ill take your littel girl out all right buy shell be coming home a woman!
While your sitting at home polishing your guns, ive told the local vietnamese community that your house is the local skinhead headquaters! Your next agent orange hullucionation will be more real than you could ever imagine and we will come home to fine the Viets once again won the war!

Umm...just a little intense?
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Old 06-24-2003, 14:24   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Rules For Dating My Daughter!

More than intense, that's sick. How old are you? you may be young, but you have a feeble brain.
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Old 06-24-2003, 16:28   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Rules For Dating My Daughter!

I defintaly will be turning out to be a father like that but i wont we all talk. Then again i will probably be a cruisey dude who asks are you Shagging my daughter, i guess somebody will be doing that one day may aswell know about it i guess insterad of turning a blind eye.

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Old 06-24-2003, 18:12   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Rules For Dating My Daughter!

I met a guy like that once, was with one of my mates when he picked a chick up from her house. Spose it wasn't a good idea for us to rock up in wife beaters talking about the slab we had in the car. He let her come out with us, but we never saw her much again after!
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Old 06-24-2003, 18:23   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Rules For Dating My Daughter!

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Originally Posted by fordskick
Spose it wasn't a good idea for us to rock up in wife beaters talking about the slab we had in the car. He let her come out with us, but we never saw her much again after!
Pure Class dude.
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Ill take it as a complement i think.............
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