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Old 03-27-2004, 04:03   #1 (permalink)
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The Rules of Manhood

The Rules of Manhood

(1) Under no circumstances may two men share one umbrella.

(2) It is ok for a Man to cry only under the following circumstances:
a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c) After wrecking your boss' car.
d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e) When she is using her teeth

(3) Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

(4) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

(5) If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

(6) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

(7) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

(8) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

(9) When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

(10) You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

(11) It is permissible to quaff a fruity pre-mix cocktail drink (i.e. Vodka Melon Cruiser) only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

(12) Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

(13) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

(14) If a Man's fly is down or there's a massive booger in his nose; that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

(15) Women who claim they "love to watch sport" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sport watchers.

(16) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

(17) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

(18) If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

(19) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a Mate of yours, except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.

(20) Phrases that may not be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:
a) "Yeah, Baby, Push it!"
b) "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
c) "Another set and we can hit the showers!"

(21) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing, i.e. both urinating, both queuing, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

(22) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

(23) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to do it again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

(24) It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

(25) Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

(26) The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation, end of story.
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Old 03-27-2004, 04:04   #2 (permalink)
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Re: The Rules of Manhood

Quote:
(24) It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
This should be No 1
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Old 03-27-2004, 05:32   #3 (permalink)
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Re: The Rules of Manhood

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Old 03-27-2004, 06:17   #4 (permalink)
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Re: The Rules of Manhood

Im secondin Casper on No. 24!
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Old 03-27-2004, 06:19   #5 (permalink)
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Re: The Rules of Manhood

I don't get number 1, why can't 2 guys share one umbrella?
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Old 03-27-2004, 13:04   #6 (permalink)
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Re: The Rules of Manhood

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fordqirl
I don't get number 1, why can't 2 guys share one umbrella?
They just cant, its a rule!
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Old 03-27-2004, 13:27   #7 (permalink)
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Re: The Rules of Manhood

(8) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

That one had my falling off the chair in fits of laughter
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Old 03-28-2004, 18:26   #8 (permalink)
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Re: The Rules of Manhood

Quote:
Originally Posted by smciner1
(8) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
Ummm, unless it is your car and some guy in the back is about to "wet" your immaculate interior.

Quote:
Originally Posted by smciner1
(25) Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours...lime green, orange...
PISS OFF!!! The 2 best current colours in the range are Blood Orange and Citric Acid!

I've got one:
(27) Your hair should never be longer than the bottom of your head. It looks girly and shall result in constant criticism and name calling usually starting and ending with the word "Poof"

That ones for you Shane :s6:
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Old 03-28-2004, 22:05   #9 (permalink)
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Re: The Rules of Manhood

Quote:
Originally Posted by smciner1
The Rules of Manhood

(25) Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
This one shouldn't even be in here!!
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Old 03-28-2004, 22:12   #10 (permalink)
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Re: The Rules of Manhood

(28) surfing of Porn should never ever replace the real thing. A 80/20 split in favor of the real thing is however allowed.
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