Veteran Ford Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Searching for a new home
Those who have heard the voice prompts on BA and AU SatNav systems will know that the voice is very English sounding, correct phrasing and polite. Commentary consists of things like:
1. In 200 metres, turn left.
2. If it is safe to do so, please make a U-turn ahead.
3. You have reached your destination.
This got me to thinking about different versions of the voice, so here are a few suggestions.
Sheila - the Aussie Bimbo
1. Down 'ere a bit, chuck a right, no left, ummm which way up does the map go?
2. Go on, chuck a u-ey.
3. Thank **** we're 'ere in one piece.
Mavis - the Mother In Law
1. When you get past old Mabels place down the road near the hairdressers that used to be the milk bar before the whole area went to the pack, oh bugger you've missed the turn. I always said my daughter could do better than you .....
2. You've gone past it, you idiot. Can't you even do a simple thing like follow instructions? When I was a girl we had to do as we were told and heaven help us if we so much as answered back.......
3. Thank God we're here ... and no thanks to your driving youngster either ... if only my eyesight wasn't failing I wouldn't have to rely on a no hope like you so I could get out for my weekly social outing ......
Charlene - the Nagging Wife
1. I think it's down here on the right somewhere .. if you weren't going so fast I could bloody see the signposts, but then yer fast at everything you do anyway.
2. I told you it was back there, but no; too bloody stubborn to ask for directions as usual and no good me trying to tell you anything. You haven't listened to a word I've said since 1963 anyway....
3. Let me out now!
Samantha - The Nervous Passenger
1. Now in 2 kms time, oooh watch out for that boy on the bike, we are going to go right so you'd better get into, careful of that bus, the right hand lane in plenty of time......
2. I think we missed our turn back there, if we drive down here for another 4 kms there's a roundabout and we can turn around safely.
Rebecca - the Dominatrix
1. Turn right now you snivelling little whimp.
2. You're going to be a bad boy and do a U-turn, I'll have to spank you real hard for that later.
3. So we've arrived have we? Want me to slip into something less comfortable?