"What do I know about sex? I'm a married man."
"I believe that sex is one of the most
beautiful, natural, wholesome things that
money can buy."
"You know that look women get when they want
sex? - Me neither."
"Sex without love is a meaningless experience,
but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you
don't have a good partner, you'd better have a
"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex
life at all."
"My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which
makes it kind of hard for him to come out of
"As the French say, there are three sexes-men,
women and clergymen."
Rev. Sydney Smith
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances
for a date on Saturday night."
"Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that
the truly gifted aren't burdened with children."
"I can remember when the air was clean and sex
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no
intention of getting married."
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting
your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease."
"My kid had sex with your honor student."
"My sexual preference is not you." T-shirt
"Programming is like sex. One mistake and you
have to support it for the rest of your life."
"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing
it too fast."
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool
with a rope."
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation.
The other eight are unimportant."
"The Bible contains six admonishments to
homosexuals and 362 admonishments to
heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't
love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more
"There are a number of mechanical devices which
increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL
P. J. O'Rourke