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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-14-04, 09:58 AM Thread Starter
No More Shaggin Wagon
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Port Augusta. SA
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Some Funnies

The following test was developed by a combination of top U.S. and European psychologists. The results are extremely accurate in describing your personality with one simple question.

Which is your favorite Teletubbie:

Your psychological profile:
You chose the Yellow Teletubbie. You are gay.
You chose the Purple Teletubbie. You are gay.
You chose the Green Teletubbie. You are gay.
You chose the Red Teletubbie. You are gay.

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Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home early. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

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A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our blonde friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.

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This one is appparently a true story...

This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to: thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. He wanted to thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything , he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding. After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "F--- you," he turned to the bride and said **** you," and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm out of here." He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for the 300 guest wedding and reception. Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. And best of all, trashing the bride and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire families, i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc. This guy has balls the size of church bells. This is his world, we just live in it. Love ya work, mate!

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A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to their separate beds. However the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses her room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two have passionate sex and afterwards the woman rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy bitch."

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I was in the Golden Wing Club last week en route to Sydney. Whilst in the lounge, I noticed Kerry Packer sitting on the chesterfield enjoying a cognac. I was meeting with a very important client who was also flying to Sydney with me but she was running a bit late. Being a 'more front than Myers' type of guy, I approached Mr Packer and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick "hello Peter" at me when I was with my client. He agreed. Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Kerry Packer. I turned around and looked up at him. He said "G'day Peter, good to see you" to which I replied "**** off Packer, I'm in a meeting".

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That'll Do......

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-14-04, 06:18 PM
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Re: Some Funnies

Nice mate, nice! I love the Packer one.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-14-04, 06:49 PM
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Re: Some Funnies

Yeah, the end of the Packer one should mention that when "Peter" walked out of the club he was kneecapped by 6 large men with baseball bats!

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-14-04, 07:13 PM
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Re: Some Funnies

lmao there are some good ones there!

most I hadnt heard before either which is always a plus


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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-14-04, 10:51 PM
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Re: Some Funnies

Haaahaha nice ones. Some of them old...but that Kerry Packer one is hilarious!

Would you like to change your name to Homer Junior? People can call you Hoju.
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