some jokes - Ford Forums - Mustang Forum, Ford Trucks, Ford Focus and Ford Cars
Ford Forum Ford Forum

» Auto Insurance
» Featured Product
ยป Wheel & Tire Center

Go Back   Ford Forums - Mustang Forum, Ford Trucks, Ford Focus and Ford Cars > Fordforums Community > The Pub
Register Home Forum Active Topics Photo Gallery Auto Loans Garage Mark Forums Read Auto Escrow

The Pub For General Discussion

FordForums.com is the premier Ford Forum on the internet. Registered Users do not see the above ads.
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-04-2004, 08:59   #1 (permalink)
EA Falcon owner
 
FordLover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: brisbane, qld
Age: 29
Posts: 1,242
some jokes

An old drunk walks in...
3 young blokes having a beer in a pub...an old drunk walks in...walks up to one of the young guys and says...your mum is the best lay in town....the young guy starts to stand up...then changes his mind and goes back to drinking..the old bloke ...walks off...10 minutes later the old bloke is back again...points to the same young guy and says.....your mother has the tightest p***y in this town....young bloke starts to get up.....then he sits back down and the old bloke walks off.....10 minutes later the old bloke is back and staggering....he says....to the same young guy....your mother loves it up the a** and is the hottest root for miles....the same bloke gets up and is really annoyed...and says...for gods sake dad....go home.

Up in the air
A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had forgotten to turn off the P.A. system. ''As soon as I clock off'' he said, ''I'm going to have a nice cold beer and then screw the a** off that blonde flight attendant.'' The horrified flight attendant made a dash toward the cockpit, but tripped over in the aisle. A little old lady sitting there whispered, ''There's no need to hurry love, he said he was going to have a beer first.''

The chicken and the egg
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question".
The dairy farmer
A farmer buys a brand new milking machine, He opens the box, discards the instructions,then out of curiosity places the milker on his penis. After a few short moments he has an amazing orgasm. Breathless he recovers and attempts to remove the machine from his dick only to find that it was stuck. Frantically he resorts to reading the instruction manual. He faints. Manual reads "Auto Release after 2 litres"

Boarding Call
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.

Not tonight honey..
A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"

Birdie
A man told his fiance that he was a golfer through and through..every sat,sunday and all public holidays he would be on the golf course. His fiance said ok, fair enough. I have something to tell you. I am a hooker. He said no problem..stand upright, use an over hand grip and keep your on eye on the ball. That should get rid of it.

No Cure
A man walks out of a car totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. she takes one look at him and says "you sir are drunk!" and the man replies "you mam are ugly, but when i wake up i'll be sober!"
__________________
EF GLi Wagon, auto, Kenwood mp3 headunit, Mauritious BLUE

DAG-Nabit.com
FordLover is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 06-04-2004, 09:11   #2 (permalink)
E-series mutantette
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Soon to be Adelaide!
Age: 28
Posts: 1,890
Re: some jokes

lmao, gold!
__________________
'93 ED GLi Falcon
White, auto, performance 16's,
Pioneer DEH-P4650 MP3 H/U, Pioneer 6's.
Sub on the way!
Future mods: Speed Holes!
Pursuit_chick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2004, 17:24   #3 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Sth East Melb
Posts: 98
Re: some jokes

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 &your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage & no bike!"




A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Abruptly, the girl stopped the boy dead in his tracks. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After the obligatory cigarette, the boy sat in the driver's seat, staring out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."





A married man and his secretary are having an affair. They decide to leave the office early one day and go to the secretary's apartment for an afternoon of lovemaking. They fall asleep and don't wake up until 8PM later that night. They quickly get dressed and the man asks his secretary to take his shoes and go rub them in the grass. The secretary thinks this is pretty weird, but she does it anyway.

The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door. The wife is very upset and asks him where he has been.

The husband replies, "I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. We left work early today, went to her place, made love all afternoon, and then we fell asleep.

That's why I'm late!"

The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, "I see those grass stains all over your shoes. You've been playing golf again, haven't you!"
__________________
94 ED Falcon. RIP
92 180sx. defected and epa'd
93 EB II Falcon. New daily driver

EB/ED turbo i6 project: starting soon
phibz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2004, 17:37   #4 (permalink)
Lord of the RC
 
fordel's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Adelaide
Age: 37
Posts: 2,515
Re: some jokes

PSML they are all great :)

Chris
__________________
O.F.R #6 : PM Me
Member of the Society Against Stupid SMS Language
Member #4 of the MTAS (Manual Transmission Appreciation Society)
fordel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2004, 18:37   #5 (permalink)
E-Series wagon owner
 
mad_ea_spac's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: dandenong nth
Age: 27
Posts: 1,929
Re: some jokes

yeah what pissers :s6:
i like that 1st one haha
__________________
1994 ED Ford Falcon Gli wagon, polynesian green, 4speed auto, dual fuel, spac cluster, 3.27ss diff,pioneer DEH3600 head unit, trip computer, ED fairmont grille, EF T-bar

Mods to come: 2.5'' lukey cat-back mandrel bent exhaust with 1 resonator and 1 straight thru muffler, EF cam, Clear indicatros all round, AU3 XR snorkel, 17" Keizzer rims, EDxr front,12"sub,sports wheel

In Progress: EF door trims



Pics Here: www.edwagon.tk
mad_ea_spac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2004, 18:52   #6 (permalink)
R.I.P Dimebag
 
Devil_Racer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: grasslands
Age: 29
Posts: 1,333
Re: some jokes

hehe @ little patrick
Devil_Racer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2004, 21:36   #7 (permalink)
Circuit board dressups!
 
Back In Black's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,124
Re: some jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by FordLover
No Cure
A man walks out of a car totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. she takes one look at him and says "you sir are drunk!" and the man replies "you mam are ugly, but when i wake up i'll be sober!"
This one really happened - it was Wisnton Churchill saying it too!

How about this one?

A Baby seal walks into a club...
__________________
Member 2 of 3 of the "God I hate cheers and regards autosignatures" group
"We'll get 'em next year, Mark" - Jeff Grech at the creek, 2003.
Back In Black is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2004, 22:40   #8 (permalink)
Mulberry Rain
 
blueraven's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Brisvegas
Age: 31
Posts: 1,229
Re: some jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Back In Black
How about this one?

A Baby seal walks into a club...
bahahahahahaha
blueraven is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2004, 23:09   #9 (permalink)
E-series mutantette
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Soon to be Adelaide!
Age: 28
Posts: 1,890
Re: some jokes

lmao at the secretary one
lol back in black
__________________
'93 ED GLi Falcon
White, auto, performance 16's,
Pioneer DEH-P4650 MP3 H/U, Pioneer 6's.
Sub on the way!
Future mods: Speed Holes!
Pursuit_chick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2004, 00:13   #10 (permalink)
Wildlife Photographer
 
VanGelder's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Adelaide, S.A.
Age: 34
Posts: 1,413
Re: some jokes

Did you hear about this guy that drowned on the weekend ?






Well, he drowned in a bowl of muesli.







The currant pulled him in.
__________________
Please check out V8FREAKS.COM !
Be sure to drop a line !
VanGelder is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

  Ford Forums - Mustang Forum, Ford Trucks, Ford Focus and Ford Cars > Fordforums Community > The Pub



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Share some Holden jokes FPRXR-6 The Pub 21 01-20-2011 21:36
A couple more jokes KenOath The Pub 10 06-07-2004 17:44
Sheepish cop the butt of jokes GMACK24 The Pub 8 05-01-2004 00:31
Wayne Carey jokes Falchoon The Pub 12 03-26-2002 18:14
The world's funniest joke? Falchoon The Pub 4 12-20-2001 02:25

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.2

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 15:12.



Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0
Garage Plus vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.