Thats right something to offend everyone so don't flame me
1. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has the
pricks on the outside.
2. What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity
3. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 kilos.
4. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes.
5. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None,they just sit
there in the dark and bitch.
6. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp
7. Why are men and parking spaces alike? Because all the good ones are gone
and the only ones left are disabled.
8. What have men and floor tiles got in common? If you lay them properly the
first time, you can walk all over them for life.
9. Why do men want to marry virgins? >They can't stand criticism.
10. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and
good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
11. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year,
the dog is still excited to see you.
12. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same
urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
13. What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during
14. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
15. Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the
dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
16. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in sixth grade. Who has the
biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18.
17. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your Mom.
18. How do you know when you're really ugly? Dogs hump your leg with their
19. How do you know when you're leading a sad life? When a nymphomaniac
tells you, "Lets just be friends."
20. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have
21. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts? Her navel.
22. What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A Bingo
23. Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people could have sex too.
24. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
25. What three two-letter words mean small? "Is It In?"
26. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
27. If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what do you
have? Divorce proceedings most likely.
28. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Tasmania? Everyone has the same DNA.
29. Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a blonde baby? They named
him Sum Ting Wong.
30. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other? A speech impediment.
31. What does it mean when the flag at a US Post Office is flying at half
mast? They're hiring.
32. What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common? Men miss
33. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have
34. Why aren't there any Aboriginals on Star Trek? Because they're not going
to work in the future either.
35. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo."
36. What do you call an New Zealand farmer with a sheep under each arm? A
37. What's the difference between a Japanese zoo, and an Australian zoo? A
Japanese zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along
with a recipe.
38. What's the Indonesian National Anthem? Row row row your boat.