Sum more ol jokes
A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending
a friend over to look at a horse.
His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?" "That's easy", he
says, "He's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or
female horse. "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly.
"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"? So the guy picks up
the midgetand he gives the horse's eyes the once over. "Nith
eyeth, can I thee her earzth"? So he picks the little fella up
again, and shows him the horse's ears. "Nith earzth, can I see
her mouf"? The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this
point, but he picks him upagain and shows him the horse's
mouth. "Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under
his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the
horse's twat, pulls him outand slams him on the ground. The
midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth I should
rephrase that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?
The Dragon slayer
Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful
Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.
One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, the
Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed
that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and
poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after
she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being
summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the
Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied
for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that
only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure
The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then
slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he
quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left
satisfied and touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the
Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000
gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer
couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never
report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made.
The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same
itching powder into the King's shorts. The King immediately summoned Nick
the Dragon Slayer
MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills.
Every day above ground is a good day