The three tortoises
Three tortoises, Troy, Andy and Wayne, decide to go on a picnic.
Troy packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches.
The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there, Troy unpacks the food and beer.
"Ok Wayne give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Wayne
"I thought you packed it"
Troy gets worried, He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?"
Naturally Andy didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener.
Troy and Andy beg Wayne to go back for it.
But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.
After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Wayne sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still isn't back and Troy and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise.
Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise.
Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat them, Wayne pops up from behind a rock and shouts,
"I knew it! ... I'm not f***ing going!"
Truly the deepest kiss one can feel, and the one most sought after, is the one you will not survive....