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Old 12-06-2003, 05:01   #1 (permalink)
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T'was The Night Before Christmas.

T'was the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Everbody felt shitty
Even the mouse.

Mums at the whorehouse
And Dads smoking grass
I'd just setttled down
For a nice piece of arse

When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my place
To see what was the matter

Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
It must be Saint Nick

He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
The ****er had fell

He filled all of our stockings
With pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick
For my brother,the queer

He rose up the chimney
With a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch
Blew the chimney apart

He swore and he cursed
As he rode out of sight
Piss on you all
And have a hell of a night


Merry Christmas EVERYONE !!!
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Old 12-07-2003, 22:57   #2 (permalink)
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Re: T'was The Night Before Eastern Creek.

Something a little more Ford related for you all



T'was the night before Eastern Creek
And all through the paddock
Everbody Ford Fan Wanted to hit
Skaife and Murphy with a mattock.

Geoff Polities is out the back
Printing more ‘Falcon Champion’ flyers
While Flinty’s down at FPR
Making sure Bezzy doesn’t steal any tyres

Max Wilson’s on television
Saying Shell Helix is the place to be
While his manager’s down at 888
Finalising contracts so he can flee

Team Brock Betta Electrical
Doesn’t know how to feel
Need a new name and new sponsors
Now they’re owned by Kees Weel

Cochrane is crowing
It’s the best series yet
With the rule changes used to rig it
He had no need to fret

Murphy’s had enough
Of Grech and HRT
Telling him as long as he comes second
K-Mart is the place to be

Marcus screams off the line
And leads them into the sun
All he can think of
Is the coveted number 1

Ross Stone’s on the headset
coaching the Enforcer
When he shakes his fist like this
Make sure you drive towards the tosser

And the fans all rejoice
When he takes home the crown
And chant Skaifey is a wanker
To that sore losing clown!
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Old 12-08-2003, 03:30   #3 (permalink)
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Re: T'was The Night Before Christmas.

how bout,
T'was the night before christmas 2003
an flaves sittin in his half a day old xr8 ute
with a boner as big as a tree!!!!


it aint long, an pretty but it fills my heart with joy...... :)
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Last edited by flavze; 12-08-2003 at 03:32. Reason: cus i aint waitin till 2004 for it.. dumbfcuk
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Old 12-08-2003, 04:33   #4 (permalink)
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Re: T'was The Night Before Christmas.

lol @ JR's version..hehe fantastic...

flavze not something i like to picture but i could imagine what excitement the XR8 would give :)
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Old 12-08-2003, 14:12   #5 (permalink)
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Re: T'was The Night Before Christmas.

Lol casrms I think that is a little racy for the forums without a warning...but funny nevertheless. JR your version is great!
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Old 12-09-2003, 04:19   #6 (permalink)
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Tongue Re: T'was The Night Before Christmas.

Then I cann't post T'was The Night Before Christmas In The Hood or
the redneck one ?
Merry Christmas.
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Old 12-09-2003, 19:40   #7 (permalink)
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Re: T'was The Night Before Christmas.

I posted this in the schoolies thread as I could'nt have been bothered to create its own thread, many of you have probably not seen it, its probably more appropriate to put in this thread:

the 12 STDs of Xmas

http://www.playingsafely.co.uk/12st...as/12-STIs.html
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Old 12-10-2003, 04:35   #8 (permalink)
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Re: T'was The Night Before Christmas.

The Night before christmas in da hood


Wuz de nite befo Crimmus,
And all ower da hood,
ereybody wuz' sleepin',
Dey wuz sleepin' good.

We hunged up our stockings,
An hoped like de' heck,
That old Santa Clause,
Be bringin' our check.

All o'de fambily,
Wuz layin in de beds,
While Ripple and Thunderbird,
Danced through dey heads.

I passed out inna' flo,
Right nex to my Maw,
When I heard sech a fuss,
I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"

I looked out thru de bars,
What covered my doe,
'spectin' de sheriff,
Wif a warrent fo sho.

And what did I see,
said, "Lawd look at dat!!"
Ther' wuz a huge watermellon,
Pulled by giant warf rats!!

Now ober all de years,
Santa Clause, he be white,
But looks liken us bros,
Gets a black Sanna dis nite.

Faster dan a Po'lees car,
My home boy he came,
He whupped on dem warf rats,
An' called dem by name!

On Leroy, on 'Lonzo!
And on Willie Lee!
On Saphire, on Chenequa!
Dey wuz a site to see!!

As he landed dat watta' mellon,
Out der in da skreet,
I knowed it was fo' sho!
Da damndest site I ebber did see.

He didn't go down no chimbley,
He picked da' lock on my doe,
An' I sez to myself,
"Sh*t!! He done dis befoe!!!"

He had dis big bag,
Full of prezents I 'xpect,
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold,
To wear roun' my neck.

But he left no good prezents,
Jus started stealing my sh*t,
Got my drugs, got my guns,
Even got my burglar's kit!!

Wit my stuff in de bag,
Out da window he flewed,
I woudda' tried to catched him,
But he stoled my 'nife too!!

He jumped on dat wadda' mellon,
An' whipped out a switch,
He wuz gone in a seccon',
Dat son of a b*tch!!

Next year I be hopin',
Anutha Sanna we git,
Cuz' diz here Sanna Clause,
Jus' ain't werf a sh*t!!!
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Old 12-10-2003, 04:37   #9 (permalink)
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Re: T'was The Night Before Christmas.

A Redneck Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin'
'Cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba,
Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down his chin
Was a trickle of spittle.

His socks, they were hung
by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was
a foul stench in the air.

From out in the yard
There came such a noise
That Bubba got scared
And rousted the boys.

There was Rufus, 12;
Jim Bob was 11;
Dud goin' on 10;
Otis was 7.

John, George and Chucky
Were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls
So they let them be.

They jumped in their overalls,
No need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head,
Then turned with a jerk.

They ran to the gun rack
That hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns;
They grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the young'uns,
"Now hesh up ya'll!
The last thing we wanna do
Is wake up yer Maw."

Maw was expecting
And needed her sleep,
So out they crept out the door
Without making a peep.

They all looked around,
and then they all spit.
The young'uns asked Bubba,
"Paw, what is it?"

Bubba just stared;
He could not say a word.
This was just like all of
The stories he'd heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof,
Darn tootin'
But the boys didn't know;
They was about to start shootin'!

They aimed their shotguns
and nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted
in venison steak.

Bubba hollered out,
"Don't shoot, boys!"
That's Santy Claus
And he's brought us some toys.

The dogs were a-barkin'
And a-raisin' cain,
And Bubba whistled, and shouted,
And called them by name.

"Down, Spot! Shut up Bullet!
Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!
Git, Turnip and Tater
and Sam and old Joe!"

"Git down from that porch!
Git down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer,
Or you'll make Santy fall!"

The dogs kept a-barkin'
And wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete
Who was only a pup.

Santy opened his bag,
And threw out some toys.
Bubba got most,
But left a few for the boys.

From up on the roof
Santa heaved a great sigh.
Since the guns had been dropped
He just might not die.

He jumped in his sleigh,
Told his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble
Santa started to worry.

Just as the reindeer
Got into the air,
The trailer collapsed,
But Bubba didn't care.

He was busy lookin'
At all his new toys.
Then a thought hit him,
And he said to the boys:

"Go check on yer Maw,
Make sure she's all right.
That roof fallin' on her
Could-a hurt just a might."

But Maw was OK,
And the girls were too.
They fixed up the trailer;
It looked good as new.

And as for Bubba,
He liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba
Was a pure-in-tee hick!

Bubba had a nice Christmas,
And the boys did, too.
And the Taylors wish
A Merry Christmas to you!
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