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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-02, 06:39 AM Thread Starter
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Lightbulb Ways to ovoid a homicidal cabbie

In my few years of driving cabs I've got a few helpful hints to those patrons out there who want a safe, affordable and pleasant trip to their destination. If anyone is listening.
(please be warned some of this is rude or explicit but hey this is how it is).

1. Give the right address for pickup it always helps. Speak clearly
on the phone to the operator as Mungalork St can easily sound
like Mungaluck St. Smartasses giving phony cab calls are easily
found out. Don't ask me what happened to them.

When you have phoned for a cab the driver should ask who
you are and or ask if he/she has the correct address. Don't just
jump into the cab if your not for the job. The cabbie should not
accept you in either if it is a radio job not for them. Then the
other cabbie arrives at the destination and the person/parcels
are not there. A angry cabbie and a no-trip. If a cabbie steals a
trip from another cabbie especially if they came half way across
town he/she will be pistol whiped or knuckle dusted.

2. Get someone semi- sober or not stoned to ring up for a cab if
you want to be picked up that is.

3. Don't jump out in front of a cab to hail him/her as their brakes
may fail and you can join the windscreen club.

4. Imagine trying to find a wierd street name and number in the
middle of the night when vandals have ripped off the street
sign and most people don't put house numbers clearly in view
and you wonder why the cab is taking so long. Not to mention
street lighting is non-existent. Puttting a house number clearly
in view not only makes cabbies lives easier but also police and
emergency services as well. Unless your hiding from the mob,
Big Tony knows who you are, we run drugs and guns for him-

5. Giving a 50 dollar note to a cabbie for a $ 4.50 trip is like giving
a cabbie too many onions in his hotdog, it stinks. Especially
when banks arn't open for change and you have to go to the
7-11 in the wee-hours to get money most of the time out of
the way for no change. Don't be surprised if you get a
earload of abuse in English and or a foreign language.
Unless your going to give a hefty tip.

6. Don't expect a cabbie to know every suburb and street like
clockwork in Sydney, Newcastle, Brisbane, Melbourne yarda-
yarda. Even cabbies who have worked 20 years plus only work
in a general suburban location and when on dropoffs arrive at
a new destination ie- his/her work route is the North Shore
and he/she ends up in Penrith they usually work the rank

*Treat rookie drivers as you would treat a rookie employee and
they will reward you in return. Smartass comments like "you
should know where you are and I know this place better than
you". You live in the suburb right? He or she dos'nt. If you
want people to work at your location you'd better behave
right otherwise most will ovoid it like the plague. Most rookie
drivers appreciate when you reply to "which way do you prefer
sir/madam or would you be able to show me directions as im
new here". Thye may also use the map don't be surprised. Im
sure you'd want the same if the roles were reversed.

7. If you try and distract the driver in the cab (verbally or
phsyically) you might find a screeching of the brakes and a
allmighty yell-"Get the F&@% out of my cab". We don't care
how drunk or how pissed off at work you were today were
driving a vehicle and we need to concerntrate otherwise much
worser things can happen ie -head on. That also means don't
give irratic directions like 'stop here and turn here' when you
know full well the cab cannot do that. If you flag down a cab in
the street then withdraw your hand you may be a recpient of
cabbie rage as well. After all most cabbies work 12-20 hour
shifts and they generally don't take jokes very well after a

8. If you get a dodgy cabbie whose making you go around the
mulberry bush for a simple trip tell him/her. If you don't like it
tell them so and advise that the destination/ directions they
are taking incorrect 'politely'. They should comply and reduce
the fare for their mistake if they don't you can ask to leave the
cab and have another one take you there via radio. I doubt
you'd see any cowboys in the day shift although they do exist
in the night shift admittedly.

9. If you want a parcel delivered (hookers, booze yarda-yarda)
be there to receive it. Their is nothing like the rage of a cabbie
waiting for 1/2 hour to deliver a parcel with no-one to receive it.

10. If your wondering why you are at one side of town and their
is no cab there when there are 20 cabs on the other side of
town is due to time/ priority/supply/demmand/distance to
randeavoux.For example there are 20 cabs at the Sydney
Entertainment Centre but no cabs in Linfield. It is
unfourtunate but it happens especially at night.

11. Cabbies are not responsible for their actions if a patron
does not pay the full agreed fare. Cabbies may extract
the 'fare' by any means necesary. Human organs are viable
collateral. Legal clarification courtesy of badheadr.

*Be patient after all he/she wants the job they just has to
get there first. Patience is a vitrue or so they say. If you live in
a no-go zone at night don't be surprised if you get flashed by
the hi-beams at first, we work were the most cops won't go
and you have to take some precaution that its no ambush.


1. If you do a runner, hold a cab up or hurt our mates where worser than the Canadian mountain police. We will hunt you down like animal you are and we derive great pleasure from payback. We'll make sure when the cops find you your unconcious and recovering in intensive care.

Were unpaid public servants but doing a public service, ironic aigh? Well its the only job I know where your driver can be a ex electrical engineer, navy seal, beautician or a ex-con just out of the old house, takes all types, lol
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-02, 04:58 PM
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a great read!
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-02, 08:40 PM
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Re: Ways to ovoid a homicidal cabbie

Originally posted by The Fonz
Were unpaid public servants but doing a public service, ironic aigh?
Unpaid? I always pay.

Great list though.

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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-02, 04:49 AM Thread Starter
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Ken mate I was meaning were 'unofficial' govt servants doing their dirty work of 'cleaning the streets' of druggies and drunks and we get no dough for it by the govt but rather abuse, malice and whatever else and no pension to go by when you get your head kicked in bad enough or those stab wounds won't heal so you won't walk again.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-02, 07:11 AM
a little bit sideways
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i have to take a few cabs for work, and i walked from the office across the road and jumpeds in the first cab at the cab rank. turned out to be an english guy who was a great laugh. just as well cos it was a fair journey (perth to joondalup). two weeks later, i walk across the road, jump into the first cab, tell the guy to go to joondalup and he says that only a couple of weeks before, he took someone else to the same address. turns out it was the same bloke twice running.

what odds on that. and then i won $30 on lotto. :s2:

You wash your car like it was your firstborn child, you tend to its needs like it was your own body, you protect it like it's your family, then you drive it like you stole it.

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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-02, 07:16 PM
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A very intersting and informative read!

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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-18-02, 03:42 AM
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hehe, sounds like I should get a lotto ticket too - I passed two Yellow Sticker inspections last week in my XE..

lol RS, that should be enough to buy a cardboard box to keep the rost out of the ditch.. j/j :s2:

But yes. I didnt know cabbies did deliveries... !
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-18-02, 04:50 AM
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i appreciate it's a tough gig, but geez it'd be nice to get in with a cabbie who knew how to maintain a constant throttle opening. all that on-off-on-off and even run for a while then lift off, then lots of little steering inputs that aren't necessary. enough to make a bloke crook sometimes
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-18-02, 05:01 AM Thread Starter
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Yes some cabbies (including me) do 'special deliveries' some of which I cannot disclose on this forum due to legal reasons.

As for The Captains whine about some cabbies not being able to drive properly that their is a significant difference from a base cab to a owner cab. Base cabs 50% of the time are poorly maintained and are a barstad to drive due to the greedy J$#s who own them. Owner cabs are looked after superbly generally and only the better cabbies drive in those like moi.

Drive a cab for 12hrs straight and night and lets see your driving skills mature captain. Or the fella you been with is just a rookie getting used to the awesome power and handling of a Falcon Cab, quite daunting for a foreigner. After all they may have been driving Trabants in Poland or Handys in Hong Kong so go easy on them. They could tell you are story or two.

BTW- the patron saint of some cabbies is Travis Bickle- lol
(im sure some people know who he is)
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-18-02, 07:15 PM
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Fonz, just a question. Why do you see XR8 Cabs?

I jumped in a cab one night, and then realised I was in a XR8. I was hammered drunk, and I told the driver I would give him $10 extra to switch it to petrol, and hammer it.

He did, and it was great.

But, why the XR8?

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