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Old 10-22-2004, 19:48   #1 (permalink)
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A Week At The Gym; One Man's Story

Hope its not a re-post
A WEEK AT THE GYM; ONE MAN'S STORY

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary...

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.................

Monday:

Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from

holding it in the whole time she was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

Tuesday:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.

I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

Wednesday:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?

Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other garbage too.

Thursday:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as

punishment, put me on the rowing machine - which I sank.

Friday:

I hate that b*tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@ bar-bells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.(Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Saturday:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

Sunday:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my wife (the b*tch) will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a root canal or a vasectomy!
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Old 10-22-2004, 19:56   #2 (permalink)
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Re: A Week At The Gym; One Man's Story

rofl nice one
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Old 10-22-2004, 20:29   #3 (permalink)
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Re: A Week At The Gym; One Man's Story

Hahhaha, its so true!
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Old 10-22-2004, 20:43   #4 (permalink)
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Re: A Week At The Gym; One Man's Story

LOL funny shit lad! Keep it up.
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Old 10-23-2004, 05:29   #5 (permalink)
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Re: A Week At The Gym; One Man's Story

it had me laughing out loud several times
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Old 10-24-2004, 06:08   #6 (permalink)
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Re: A Week At The Gym; One Man's Story

thats a fukn beuty
it just about had me in tears
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Old 10-24-2004, 16:31   #7 (permalink)
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Re: A Week At The Gym; One Man's Story

HAHAHA. That's had me in stitches.
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Old 10-24-2004, 16:48   #8 (permalink)
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Re: A Week At The Gym; One Man's Story

Good One
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Old 10-24-2004, 19:29   #9 (permalink)
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Re: A Week At The Gym; One Man's Story

Hehe that is a good one. Thought it was heading somewhere, but it wasn't dirty at all.
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Old 10-25-2004, 04:58   #10 (permalink)
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Re: A Week At The Gym; One Man's Story

All you unfit pricks can relate to this. Hmmm, hell so can i!
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