What if Santa answered his letters honestly?!?!? - Ford Forums - Mustang Forum, Ford Trucks, Ford Focus and Ford Cars
The Pub For General Discussion

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-16-02, 12:45 PM Thread Starter
XF Falcon's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Western Australia
Age: 36
Posts: 1,652
What if Santa answered his letters honestly?!?!?

Ever wondered what Santa would write back to all the little kiddies if he wrote what he REALLY meant :)


Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be nice for Santa? Leave me a bottle of Johnny Walker and some Toblerone and tell your mom to wait up.


Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What, like your dad's going to quit banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane? Tell your mom to lose some weight and I'll talk to your daddy. Let me give you some nice Lego in the meantime and let's see if you can build up a family with those.


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?


Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in rubbish disposal. How about I send you a fu***ng dictionary so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the Space Ranger, at least HE can spell!

P.S. Have your mother start calling you Rain Man!


Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

That whiney, begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't fly up here. You're getting a King Cobra instead. He likes it when you pat his head.


Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, play station, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
I'll tell you what, I'll send you a round trip ticket to the North pole so when you get here I can kick sense into your fu***ng head. Who names their kid "Francis" anyway? I bet you're gay. I'll send you the Village People album instead.


Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making Toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and losing money at the craps table. And then one shitty day a year, I send toys to all you little f**kers!

Xtreme 275.6 rwkw, 12.93 sec quater, Phoon CAI, Siemens Injectors, StealthFX BOV with XBOX entertainment.
XF Falcon is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-16-02, 02:30 PM
Registered User
Falchoon's Avatar
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 3,544
Ha ha ha

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'So that was nice.

Falchoon is offline  
post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-16-02, 04:20 PM
We Love Greb Murpy
ford.boy's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: God's Country (Penrith)
Age: 30
Posts: 3,022
Fordforums has ruined christmas with all these threads... YAY!!!

"When I joined the marines all they gave us was two sticks and a rock! And we had to share the rock between the whole platoon!"
H2 pwnz j00 foo.
ford.boy is offline  
post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-19-02, 04:58 AM
BSR Twin System (tm)
smciner1's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: The TQE (tm) Plant.
Age: 42
Posts: 4,751
Thumbs up

Now that was seriously funny!

Falcon G.T. Club of Geelong Inc.
Deakin University Formula SAE Car PHANTOM ENGINEERING
LSUG (Leaf Spring Users Group) Twin System Engineer
Official BSR Website - www.bsrcorp.com
Poster of the 150,000th post!
Marcos Ambrose & SBR, 2003 & 2004 V8SUPERCAR Champions

smciner1 is offline  
post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-19-02, 11:56 PM
E Series Chick Supremo
Mother Nature's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: MBFNW
Age: 50
Posts: 2,072
tears .......

Just read this with eldest looking over my shoulder .......

Glad he is old enough to have a serious laugh with his mum


94 ED XR8 Sprint

Check out the OzECruisers Inc. website HERE

FF Lynch Mob BITCH
O.F.R #65
Mother Nature is offline  
post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-20-02, 02:15 AM
A Fully Sick " Can't "
YuGoStaR's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 583

Nice job.
Especially like the Francis one!!

YuGoStaR is offline  
post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-22-02, 11:43 PM
Timmeh's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Newcastle, NSW
Age: 36
Posts: 2,922
Heh heh heh heh


Reflects how I felt managing a toy store at Christmas....


EUR04D - Ford Focus
The Blue Flame

Mk II Escort RS2000
How much boost?

Thanks for 2004, crew.
Timmeh is offline  
Sponsored Links

  Ford Forums - Mustang Forum, Ford Trucks, Ford Focus and Ford Cars > Fordforums Community > The Pub

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is Santa a Ford or Holden man? marktx5 The Pub 8 12-24-02 12:20 PM
OMG!! Santa is on his way mavss The Pub 0 12-24-02 05:19 AM
Letters to the Editor in SPEED plonky The Pub 1 09-29-02 06:04 PM
Letters sent to Landlords Jamie XR6 The Pub 0 05-10-02 03:40 AM
Sept 11 (humour) Falchoon The Pub 6 10-23-01 05:26 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome